random thoughts and thoroughbred selections

Friday, February 13, 2004

Do you serve Jalapeno Poppers?

On the phone

BG: Do you serve food there too?
Restaurant Guy: Yes sir. We have a small dinner menu with steak, lamb, chicken, and fish, and a nice selection of Tapas.

Forget for a minute the analysis as to whether or not RG used �Tapas� properly in that last sentence. For $3.55/hr plus tips, I�m not expecting a thorough grasp of grammatical concepts as they relate to the pluralization of words of Spanish origin in the English language. I�m just wondering when �Tapas� became the appropriate replacement for �Appetizer.�

Let me ask you about the Chicken Satay with Peanut Sauce that you have on the menu up here for $7 a plate. Does it come with a vegetable or starch? No? Is it a big enough portion to satisfy most people as a meal? No, it�s just a couple of pieces of skewered chicken breast? Oh, so the Chicken Satay with Peanut Sauce is an appetizer, right? Tapas? What the hell is Tapas?

I�m wondering if TGI Friday�s and Applebee�s type restaurants ruined the idea of �appetizer� for any restaurant a step classier or beyond. When you see things like �Extreme Fajita Balls,� and �Ooey Gooey Mozzarella Logs� on their menu under the same classification in which you place your sensitive �Sesame Encrusted Ahi Tuna Slices with Cucumber Salad,� I can see how expectations should probably be raised a touch.

All�s I�m saying is this� Call it Tapas if you are serving Spanish themed dishes in a Spanish themed restaurant. Otherwise, it�s a freaking appetizer.

Here�s some other food trends that I find a touch irritating:

1)Atkins menus are popping up everywhere. Am I the only one not on this diet?
2)Sun-Dried Tomatoes are, in my opinion, the most overrated and overused ingredient in today�s restaurant kitchen. They don�t belong in everything, but try telling that to an unimaginative Mediterranean chef.
3)The use of Fun when advertising food to children. How is Bubble Tape fun? Once it�s chewed, it�s not fun anymore. And Fruit Roll-Ups? We called that �fruit leather� back in my day, and it was never fun. It was tasty. By the way, have you seen that Bubble Tape or Fruit-By-The-Foot commercial where the kids spin around so hard that they collapse to the ground and basically have an LSD hallucination? Good message to the youth. Fruit-By-The-Foot will be the gateway drug for this next generation thanks to that commercial.
4)McDonald�s is looking really desperate these last few years. Instead of focusing on their core competencies and making them better, they�ve worked hard to introduce new products into stores, and so far, nothing really has caught on. Between the flatbreads, the salads, the parfaits, and the new sandwiches on the menu, they�re trying to be everything to everybody. Good luck on that strategy.
5)The use of the word �value� to describe enormous portions has gotten way out of hand. We live in such a Sam�s Club culture that we�re starting to be conditioned to think that even though we�re spending more money, we�re getting more value because what we�re buying is bigger. Ugh.
6)Coffee Drinks have gotten way out of hand. Too many comedians have already weighed in on the difficulty of ordering at a Starbucks, so I�m not going there. What I will say is that I hope the good ol� cup of joe never disappears from coffee shops. In a world of half caf soy lattes, I�ll take a cup of Colombian any day of the week.
7)Sushi in grocery stores is troubling. I�m in the Midwest, and don�t generally trust that the fish I�m getting wasn�t flash frozen and shipped out three days later. I want fresh sushi. Fresh as in, �bought this morning at market, filleted right in front of my eyes� fresh. I guarantee you a grocery store in a minor market in the Midwest isn�t providing that.
8)Do you know why malt beverages like Smirnoff Ice exist, even when they�re not selling in the market? It�s so these companies can advertise their brand name (legal) without advertising their hard liquor products (illegal). I�ve never had a malt beverage I�ve enjoyed. Well, except for my Colt .45 phase in college, and the time I took Zima to the beach in Sprite bottles.

[>>]posted at 9:35 PM by BG - click to email
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