Pacific Poker Sucks

or

What was I dreaming about again?

I had one of the worst night’s sleeps I’ve had in ages last night, and I blame Pacific Poker for screwing up the blogger tournament.

Well, in reality, I’m house sitting at my dad’s while he and the wife are down South, and I really hate the guest room and the bed in there. The bed is somehow both too firm and too soft (yeah, you figure that one out – I can’t), and the pillows are the type that one alone is far too thin, but two together becomes far too thick. Again, I don’t get it, but that’s the way it is.

Throw in a Red Bull and two glasses of wine (Masi Campofiorin, about $15, and my new favorite cheap Italian red), and I had enough trouble getting to sleep, let alone staying unconscious last night.

But man oh man did I have a strange dream.

I don’t know why, but I have a fear of my ex-wife trying to visit me. There’s nothing I want more in life than for her to just continue to live her life on the other side of the Atlantic, forget about me, and not darken my doorway again.

Here’s a chat transcript of me telling her about the dream via IM. I only contacted her about it in the interest of good blog content, as we may chat over IM about a half dozen times a year, and it’s growing more infrequent as time passes – thankfully. Anyway, enjoy (edited only for minor spelling, and to remove a couple of names)…

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BG: you there?

BG: you know i don't come to you unless it's important, but i swear it's not about debts or collection notices, i promise

The Ex: oh hi

BG: oh hi

The Ex: sorry didn't see the IM

The Ex: immersed in graphics programs

BG: so long as it's not about debts or collections, then you'll talk to me, right?

BG: :)

The Ex: hehehe no

The Ex: honestly, just didn't see it

The Ex: I'm on a rush deadline here

BG: yeah, alright

BG: no time now then?

The Ex: no we can dish

BG: i rarely remember my dreams

The Ex: trying to decide what the hell to do with these business card design

BG: and i've even more rarely had you in them

The Ex: okkkkk

BG: but between the red bull, the red wine, and the bed i'm not used to sleeping in, i had weird ones last night

BG: by the way, Masi makes an unbelievable Campofiorin, if you see it in the stores ($15 US), pick it up

BG: it's really good

BG: anyway

The Ex: ''bed you're not used to sleeping in''

BG: prefacing this dream

The Ex: right...preface more

BG: there was an episode of the TV show "Monk" i watched this week

The Ex: I've seen it

BG: where the main character went to stay with his in-laws

The Ex: the show, not necc the episode

BG: his wife, after all, was killed by a car bomb a few years ago

The Ex: rigt

The Ex: right even

BG: anyway, in my dream i was friends with your dad

BG: played by some actor

The Ex: ok

BG: but it was your dad

BG: and he lived adjacent to this enormous casino/arcade complex

BG: so i came into the dream knowing i was friendly with your dad, and appreciating his friendship

BG: but was living in fear of running into you, even though you live on the other side of the planet

BG: which does, of course, help

The Ex: heheheh

The Ex: yes, it does

BG: anyway, your dad and i were standing around talking, and your brothers came through the door with a "guess what, we've got a surprise for you" sort of thing

BG: i knew what that meant, so i conveniently disappeared

The Ex: poof

BG: but you gave chase

BG: just to see me, that's all

The Ex: andddd

BG: anyway, all through this arcade and casino, i'm dodging you and disappearing into side rooms

The Ex: right

BG: i have a lot of those "under pursuit" dreams, most aren't insidious

BG: like gunmen or people with machetes

BG: just people i don't want to see

BG: i'm a sociophobe, after all

BG: anyway

The Ex: ok

BG: i got cornered

BG: and instead of freaking out about it

BG: i was the one who came up and gave you a hug

The Ex: no way

BG: like a "really good to see you" thing

BG: that's what i thought, "no way"

The Ex: wow, didn’t see that coming

BG: and it was warm and nice

The Ex: either way, gotta tell you my first instinct is that it makes me happy

BG: what, thought i was going to act like a trapped animal and kick you in the shins before sprinting in the opposite direction?

BG: it was just a nice to see you thing

The Ex: well that's what I thought

BG: you were wearing those white trash "half smoky" glasses

The Ex: ok, you've added a bit of niceness

BG: you know, those "not quite sunglasses" things

The Ex: hehehe, do you think I would wear those

BG: and had a bad haircut

BG: it's my dream woman, back off

The Ex: ah, so ya made me unappealing

BG: i dunno, maybe i enjoy a woman with a bad haircut and no sense of style whatsoever

The Ex: hehehehe

The Ex: so redbull, redwine and an unfamiliar bed did this to you

BG: i just thought it was an interesting dream, that's all

BG: Masi Campofiorin

The Ex: completely uninteresting

BG: i'm telling you, write that down - it's awesome

The Ex: Italian

The Ex: sending myself an email

BG: interesting that i was comfortable enough to not only be the one to precipitate the embrace, but to feel good about it while doing it

The Ex: so are you feeling a little bit more warm and fuzzy about me now

BG: i think, in this dream, the casino/arcade represented my psyche

BG: because it was big and loud and confusing

The Ex: ok

BG: and your dad represented the voice of reason

BG: and you represented my irrational fear of bumblebees

BG: so, i know now that bees are nothing to be afraid of, see?

The Ex: but it looks like that you aren't afraid of bees anymore

The Ex: the clouds have lifted

BG: no, bees still freak me out, and i don't want to have them anywhere nearby

BG: because they sting and are assholes about it

The Ex: I am so not the bee

BG: no, you REPRESENT the bees

BG: i'm telling you, dreams are all about symbolism

The Ex: but I don't sting and am not an asshole about it

The Ex: I know I know

BG: no, bees sting

BG: that's what i'm trying to tell you

BG: :)

The Ex: but I APPARENTLY REPRESENT THE BEE

BG: yes, you apparently represent the bee

BG: you did wear a lot of yellow, you know

The Ex: hehehehe

The Ex: so now that you aren't afraid of me

The Ex: and you know that I will leave you alone

BG: no, not afraid of bees

BG: let's get that straight

The Ex: sweet Jesus

The Ex: hehehe

The Ex: so who's the strange bed you're sleeping in

BG: and trust me, i appreciate the being left alone part

The Ex: I do what I can

The Ex: it would be nice to have more of a friendly thing with you, but I am not pushing it

BG: yeah, smart money says we're not getting close to that

BG: no offense

The Ex: slowly slowly catchy monkey

BG: i was talking to a british dude from gibraltar on the phone last night, and was mentally trying to bitch slap him through the receiver

BG: so am i still bitter? maybe a touch

The Ex: why were you talking to a dude from Gibraltar

BG: i mean, hugh grant movies were completely ruined for me, which really isn't that big a loss all things considered

The Ex: hehehe

BG: i didn't know there were british dudes in gibraltar at all, that was surprising

The Ex: Gibraltar is England owned

BG: i actually thought gibraltar was that little island off the east coast of africa

The Ex: so why talking to Gibraltar

BG: then i realized that was madagascar

BG: so it's not the same

The Ex: ok so why calling there at all

BG: why are you so interested in why i'm talking to someone in gibraltar?

BG: maybe i know people in gibraltar

The Ex: not sooo interested

The Ex: but it's an interesting topic

BG: gibraltar? i knew about the rock, but that's about it

The Ex: okkkk

BG: it's also not the place with the big head statues, that's easter island

BG: i had to be reminded of that last night too

The Ex: yes, its not

The Ex: you don't feel like sharing?

BG: i told you about my dream

BG: you got a hug from me, and i didn't try to strangle you in the middle of it

The Ex: ok, just thought this may be an actual ''conversation''

BG: that's plenty of sharing, isn't it?

BG: i'm in a good mood, maybe i didn't catch you in the same

The Ex: no I'm in a great mood actually

The Ex: work is going so well I am pulling 16 hour days

The Ex: and we had our huge ''Big Ass BBQ'' this last Saturday which was a raging success

BG: good

The Ex: yah, it's good...I'm now doing full marketing services

BG: good

The Ex: which includes photography...so I'm out running around taking pictures for MONEY a couple of times a week

The Ex: I got a PIMP Nikon D100 SLR

BG: good for you, glad you're finally making an effort to make your life the way you want it to be

The Ex: I've been rocking for about 9 months now

The Ex: but had to do a bunch of BS grunt stuff to get myself established here, now I have people referring me to people right and left

BG: go figure, hard work leads to good work... couldn't have told you that was the formula ;)

The Ex: har har

The Ex: you'd be impressed with my stuff

BG: sure

The Ex: you know I hate it when you say sure

BG: i said that on purpose

The Ex: I know

The Ex: do you want to see something that I did...I'm in with this big network of organic hippies here

BG: i can't click into anything

BG: not at work

The Ex: it's a pdf

BG: don't worry about it, i'm sure it's good

BG: i just can't do it here

The Ex: well if you ever get the chance, I'm the new layout editor of XXXXXX

BG: gotcha

The Ex: I do their printed thing

BG: ok

BG: well, that's all i had for you - thought you'd be interested to hear the dream

The Ex: yeah, that was nice of you to share

The Ex: I had one about you the other night

The Ex: but not as tame

BG: that's strange

The Ex: why strange

BG: i don't know if i'm blocking or what, and i don't mean this to be mean or rude

The Ex: I dream a lot...not a lot about you though

BG: but of all the women i've slept with, there's only one that i can remember every detail about - and it's not you

BG: and it's not julie either, so don't freak out

The Ex: I wouldn't

The Ex: what do you mean ''every detail about''

BG: i don't mean that to be mean

The Ex: none taken

BG: i probably slept with her about a dozen times, and each individual time is etched in stone in my head

BG: always has been

The Ex: so this is the new woman

BG: no, this is a really old one

BG: i mean, SHE'S not "really old"

The Ex: I wouldn't remember who she is, but if it's from when you were younger, no wonder

BG: but this was probably 10-11 years ago

The Ex: I mean I remember sleeping with Andy way more than I remember sleeping with you

BG: that doesn't surprise me, we didn't really seem to enjoy each other a whole lot from what i can remember

The Ex: that's not supposed to be a dig by the way

BG: no, same with mine

The Ex: yeah, which is a shame

BG: i don't mean that to be rude

BG: yeah, well, whatareyagonnado

The Ex: heheh, we're not being rude

The Ex: it's sad because I'm a highly sexually driven person

The Ex: and I think that if we had that sorted things would've been better

BG: but you like being served more than you like being the one doing the serving

BG: if that makes sense

The Ex: oh that is so not true

The Ex: sometimes it's true

The Ex: it's called a healthy balance

BG: you put a lot on my shoulders in every aspect of life to be the one to deliver

The Ex: lets not go down that road again

BG: and got tired of me when i couldn't handle that pressure

BG: no, i'm just saying

BG: that's what happened - not just in bed

The Ex: I know...but I've felt bad about that

BG: well, you should - just don't make that mistake again

The Ex: and there isn't anything I can do about it

BG: sounds like i'm life's hard little lesson

The Ex: except for what I have already done, which is apologise

The Ex: nah...I'm really in a good place now

The Ex: things happen for a reason

BG: right, i know, and i've heard the apologies

BG: sure

The Ex: sureeeeeeeee

The Ex: I will tell you I do remember having the sex with you the other night in my dream

The Ex: it was the good too

The Ex: hehehehehe

The Ex: was that highly inappropriate

BG: at least i can find a way to please you three years and 3000 miles away from reality

The Ex: is that what you think, I'm 3k miles away from reality

BG: no, 3000 miles from me

The Ex: you can create your own reality, I hope you know that

BG: and three years from our ugly reality

The Ex: you know, there were good times too

BG: i have a hard time recalling those

BG: i really do

The Ex: want a reminder of a few

The Ex: :-D

BG: if you want to

The Ex: happy thoughts for a Monday, here goes...

The Ex: -games, power Uno, PS2, Roast Beef Sandwich poems (4th grade style)

BG: the only time i can recall where i was your perfect companion at all was when we went to that get together after fiddler on the roof with all your old HS people

The Ex: well, you were perfect more of the time than you know

BG: so, as long as i was keeping you occupied with colors, numbers, or bad humor, things were peachy?

The Ex: no those are just glaring examples

The Ex: sitting on the couch was good too

The Ex: I remember my spot

The Ex: not on the couch...on you, that part on your shoulder I fit perfectly into

BG: i know what you meant on that one

The Ex: wanted to make sure

The Ex: there were lots o good things

The Ex: and when we got the puppy

BG: just the first one

The Ex: I remember you carrying him out of the store

The Ex: all happy, he was all little

The Ex: ok just the first one

BG: that second dog was your fault, i couldn't stand that bitch

BG: :)

The Ex: ok, well that Bitch has a new home

The Ex: and she's a happy little thing

The Ex: just don't write off the time we had as complete misery

The Ex: as there were serious good chunks

BG: ok

The Ex: so doubt you will tell me if you're dating etc

BG: you are correct

The Ex: was worth the ask

The Ex: I'm probably just the evil ex wife that you relay horror stories to these women

The Ex: about how I ruined your life

BG: not just to women, to hundreds of other people too ;)

The Ex: yes, lets not forget those other people too

BG: it's alright, i got burned but i learned an awful, awful lot

The Ex: well, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have 'burned' you

BG: like how even if i wanted to smack a british guy in the shins with a louisville slugger, he'd probably wince in pain, smile, tip his bowler, and wish me "G'Day"

The Ex: no Aussies say G'Day

BG: yeah, i know you wouldn't have burned me over again - we would have been smart enough to cut it off

The Ex: or be better to each other

The Ex: one or the other

BG: former, not the latter - it wasn't supposed to work out

The Ex: no, probably not

The Ex: I mean I think I was drawn to England so I could eventually meet J

BG: i hadn't really had that "loved then lost" experience, and i'm sure it's been a necessary thing

The Ex: everything happens for a reasonn

BG: so that's probably the "supposed to" thing here

The Ex: but unlike you I will always think of you fondl

The Ex: y

BG: you're right, i have a difficult time at best with that

The Ex: and that's alright

The Ex: I just don't like to dwell on the negative

The Ex: I would rather remember happy times

BG: gotcha - well, good that you can walk away with a few then

BG: i think it's lunch time for me

BG: good luck and such with everything

The Ex: I hope you have a good lunch

The Ex: hopefully we will talk again soon

The Ex: take care xo

BG: alright