random thoughts and thoroughbred selections

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Easy Street

For the first few summers and winters I came home from college, I worked in a spring factory doing some absolutely mind-numbing work. When one is harnessed to a punch press for eight hours doing repetitive labor, one�s mind has a tendency to wander. And one of my recurring fantasies has always been winning one of those absurdly huge lottery jackpots.

Would life really be that much easier with all that money? Depends on who you ask. But who wouldn�t trade a beating, a drugging, a mugging, and a burglary for $314 million?

Since those factory days, I�ve always thought periodically about what I�d do with a huge pile of cash. I�ve fantasized about having a huge mansion in my home town, maybe a ranch near Jackson, Wyoming, or possibly disappearing into a small town in Italy to live in a villa near vineyards and an active farmer�s market.

But whatever I�d end up doing, I�m absolutely positive I�d be doing an awful lot of gambling.

Whether horses, poker, sports, or casino gambling, I�ve really grown quite attached to putting a few bucks out there on various things. But I�m low stakes. Real low stakes. I�ve never had more than $250 in my account at PartyPoker, I don�t really care about having a �properly equipped� bankroll (that 300BB margin) to attack Limit games, and the only reason I prefer $2/$4 to $.5/$1 is due to slightly �smarter� opponent play at that level.

What I�m trying to say is that it�s never been about the money for me. Well, let me rephrase that. It�s never been about how much money I can make gambling. It�s the action.

Let�s say I was worth $300 million. Now, assuming I�m worth roughly what I�m making now, the bankrolls I take on my rare casino trips would translate to $750k per trip.

$750k!

Now, obviously, I wouldn�t be walking all over Vegas like I did last time looking for $5 blackjack tables, but I guarantee you I wouldn�t be betting $1k a hand, let alone $500 per. I don�t think I�d be sitting $100/$200 Limit, and I don�t think I�d need $1k on a horse race or NFL game to enjoy it more.

I like the win, and I like the action, but the action doesn�t mean more to me if I�m risking more. I really and honestly don�t care how much I win, so long as I can feel smart for making the choices that lead up to the win. That�s why I love the horses the way that I do. There�s just so much information to digest, and on those rare occasions that you can, from your hard work, discern exactly how a race will be run and watch it unfold just the way you thought, well, you feel like an honest-to-god Boy Genius.

And the beats? I don�t care how much money I have on a horse race or in a poker hand, they all hurt the same. As a matter of fact, let�s set up the BG Gambling Anger-o-mometer to measure exactly how pissed off I�m capable of getting (with some everyday stuff thrown in there for perspective):

Measured, of course, on a scale of 1-10.

0.1 � The grocery store is out of my brand of coffee, and I�m forced to buy a bag of inferior beans

0.5 � Trying to limp with crap from EP, being forced to fold to a raise pre-flop

1.0 � Three minutes worth of watching Bill O�Reilly couch his opinion/Fox�s company line as fact-based reporting

1.5 � Folding pocket Jacks when overcards hit a flop

2.0 � Checking my order as I�m leaving the drive-thru, and being forced to return the sandwich they screwed up inside at the counter

2.5 � Taking a flier on a horse for dubious reasons, and watching the chalk come in instead

3.0 � Women with unorganized purses that pay with exact change or by check in supermarket lines

3.5 � Watching someone take a handicapped parking spot without a permit, and jog into the grocery store (add 1.5 points if they are driving a �nice� car that they just want an extra-wide parking spot for)

4.0 � Getting an email from the ex-wife

4.5 � Trying to find a horse to wager on at a track like Bay Meadows where seven may be entered, six may be running, and no one on the board is worse than 5/1

5.0 � Outsmarting yourself by doing trifecta wheels rather than boxes, and watching the one possibility you didn�t account for across the four horses you liked materialize, paying off big

5.5 � A bad call or botched play that costs you those extra points you needed to cover the spread

6.0 � People in service industries who make you feel like you�re an inconvenience when you�re simply asking for basic service

6.5 � Inexplicably low exacta and trifecta payoffs when the chalk doesn�t finish first and you hit your ticket

7.0 � SUVs that drive way too fast for the road conditions, passing you doing 75MPH in the winter

7.5 � Watching a jockey who doesn�t try hard enough in the last furlong for third place who lets a horse or two by in the final strides, ruining your exotic wager

8.0 � Watching a jockey take a proven back-of-the-pack runner and burn him out over the first half of the track trying to take the lead, only to watch every horse in the field, predictably, pass him down the stretch

8.5 � The �Hey, they were suited� argument after they called your substantial pre-flop raise

9.0 � Watching the horse you just bet on at a harness track break stride before the gate even pulls away

9.5 � Runner-runner suckouts when you are in an initial position of overwhelming dominance

10.0 � Runner-runner suckouts when you are in an initial position of overwhelming dominance with the suckout artist celebrating like he just scored a touchdown when he spikes his two-outer.

[>>]posted at 7:18 PM by BG - click to email
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