Straight, No Chaser
There are
plenty of reasons the volume you’ve come to know and love here at RTATS has tracked down over the past few months. More than any other though, one reason stands out.
I’m happier now than I’ve been in awhile.
I don’t know where this is coming from, and certainly can’t put my finger on any specific “turned the corner” moment, but I’m smiling more than I was a few months ago. And, of course, this is a good thing.
Now, I’m certainly not saying that I can’t write without feeling miserable, but there are quite a number of days I can identify as particularly depressing or lonely where my outlet was 2500 words to the blog, and you guys all bore the brunt of those posts of lamentation.
The new trick is, what the hell do I talk about if I’m not living with wistful regret?
I don’t think it’s fair to say “I’m happy now,” or “I’m not lonely at this point,” or even “I’m not depressed anymore.” As a matter of fact, I think that depression strikes me as somewhat like alcoholism, in that it never really fully goes away and disappears, it’s something that’s managed and evened out over time. But what’s nice is that after a couple of years of being part of the “walking dead,” awake to my day but asleep to the world, I am starting to really notice the difference between the good days and the bad ones. I’m still getting in funks, and I knew that would be the case, but I’m definitely seeing and feeling happiness where I blocked it out previously.
There’s still a lot of work to do from this point to get back to even, but for now, it’s nice to be able to tell people honestly, “I’m doing well, how about you?”
Speaking of…