Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
I’ve decided that I wish I could sing like Steve Winwood.
Not the “Higher Love”/”Valerie” Steve Winwood, who fell into that same Lite Rock trap that consumed Clapton and that guy who used to sing for the Doobie Brothers. I’m talking Spencer Davis Group/Traffic era Winwood. Back when a skinny white English kid could emulate Ray Charles and get away with it.
Undoubtedly, a guy could get more pussy were he able to sing like Marvin Gaye, Al Green, or Sam Cooke. Problem is, a guy simply can’t get pussy if he’s an average looking white guy who has a noticeably odd voice for his look coming out of his mouth.
Another reason why Barry White could only have looked like Barry White. No chance you plug that larynx and those vocal cords into Art Garfunkel and sell a million records.
In coming to this determination, I had to analyze exactly what kind of pussy I wanted to leave myself open to. Case in point, I consider Roger Daltrey to have quite probably the perfect rock and roll lead singer voice of all time. Problem is, I don’t like girls in acid washed jeans with teased hair named Randi who reek of nicotine. I could have chosen a guy like Neil Diamond, who has a showman’s voice and a penchant for teetering on the brink of cheese, but I don’t want to be limited to banging soccer moms and have legions of fans with AARP memberships. Maybe you think about someone who’s currently popular like Justin Timberlake, but I’m pretty sure I’d end up in jail with all those 16 year olds throwing themselves at my feet. “She told me she was 18 officer!”
No, it’s got to be Winwood’s voice. If you make it just funky and soulful enough, you can get all kinds of women kneeling at your feet. Euphemistically, and otherwise. Black, white, Latina, Asian, it’s all OK by me. The closest comparison I could draw would be that Dave Matthews guy. He’s probably like a latter-day Winwood from the Traffic/Blind Faith days, and is a great example of how to build a fan base from every race, creed, color, age, whatever.
I’d just suck a whole lot less than Matthews, that’s for sure.
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