random thoughts and thoroughbred selections
"All life is 6-5 against" - Damon Runyon
Saturday, October 23, 2004

Sign Me Up

I’ve never really done volunteer work before.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I did once answer phones on the Salt Lake City Easter Seals Telethon circa 1990. I wrote about that incident awhile ago.

But lately, if you don’t count my community theatre experiences, I’ve done exactly zero charity work.

My mom, on the other hand, is a charity’s best friend. Her pet project currently involves sitting on the board of our county’s Hospice group, and planning a silent auction in February.

Where then do I fit in?

Well, in an effort to try to create some unique “prizes” for the people to vie for, my mom called me and asked me to donate my time. In the kitchen. Cooking dinner for six at someone else’s house for a dinner party.

This comes with a $100 gift certificate (presumably for supplies) to the local grocery store, so I’m curious to see how much this package with my name on it goes for.

I’m pretty adept in the kitchen, all things considered, but I come complete with no credentials that would impress anyone who’s never eaten my cooking previously. I did stipulate that I am only willing to cook Italian. God forbid they ask for steaks and have a shitty grill and I fuck up their charitable contribution.

Anyway, I’m curious to see how this thing is going to go. I can do some stuff really well. Chicken/Veal Parmagiana / Picatta for instance. Lasagna. Tomato basil sauce. There are some things I’ve done really well in the past, but am gunshy to do for people paying for my services due to level of difficulty. My stuffed braised beef rolls, risotto, and pork lentil soup fall into this category. And there are some things I just simply can’t do well enough to feel comfortable, like bake pastries, make anything requiring dough, or cook with mushrooms.

That being said, from the files of “always leave on a high note,” I make kickass cannolis. No two ways about that. I don’t make the shells, but the ricotta cheese mixture inside is a piece of cake, and awfully tasty.

I’m flattered as hell my mom thinks enough of my cooking to put my skills up for bid. With any luck, maybe I can talk some friends into bidding on this and letting me sit in for dinner with them. I’ll bet I go for at least $50.


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