Money Where My Mouth Is...

"Two Trifecta Wheels:

8 (Master David), 11 (The Cliff's Edge), 12 (Borrego), 18 (Tapit) WITH 8/11/12/18 WITH 3 (Lionheart) = $12

Repeat, with Lionheart keyed into Place, with 8/11/12/18 surrounding = $12

With the $26 remaining, take $5 to Win fliers on the following horses:

Pollard's Vision, Friends Lake, Borrego, Read The Footnotes, Birdstone"

$49 wagered, you know where my cash is on this race. Go Borrego!

Why Can't It Be Football Season Right Now?

Can I tell you how pumped I am to watch the Lions this year? My god, I haven't had good feelings about my team like this since probably the beginning of the 92-93 (Perriman/Moore/Morton/Mitchell/Sanders) season.

IF...

Charles Rogers and Roy Williams can both stay healthy all year...

Az Hakim has the dazzle back in his game...

Kevin Jones + Artose Pinner = 1500 yards / 8-10 TDs...

Dre Bly and Fernando Bryant play to expectations...

Kalimba Edwards has 8-12 sacks...

None of the young players (Joey/Boss/Holt/FitzSimmons in particular) regress...

...this team could go 9-7, and play some damned exciting football along the way.

I can't wait to buy the new Madden game (August, argh!) and push the Lions aerial attack on the unsuspecting defensive AI of all those NFC North foes. I can't wait to watch preseason, and see how Joey is clicking with his targets. I can't wait until opening weekend, and a victory against the Bears.

I'm telling you, if these guys can continue the trend that started last year of making good roster moves and not have any significant busts from their draft picks, the Lions could be ferocious in a couple of years.

I'm just sayin...

Today Freaking Rocks...

It's been a great 45 minutes here...

I just met with a Director level guy at my customer, who runs a group that we have not been involved with to this point. It sounds like they're excited to bring our system, already in action with other groups internally, onboard right away. Business would shoot through the roof, and my boss would be thrilled.

I got back from the meeting, and my boss' boss called me to let me know we more than exceeded our production goals for the quarter, and our bonus checks "maxxed out." That's $600 instead of the $250 I got for our fourth quarter. I should have the check today or tomorrow.

Today freaking rocks.

My Picks For Saturday

Alright, after all my hack analysis over the past couple of days, here's who I officially like in the Kentucky Derby this Saturday.

We're going to flat-out eliminate Song of the Sword, Action This Day, Minister Eric, and Birdstone (a legit longshot to some handicappers).

The favorite hasn't won in something like 24 years, so I am not betting on The Cliff's Edge in my win pool.

I also just can't see Imperialism, Castledale, Pro Prado, or Quinton's Gold Rush finishing top three.

Limehouse will have a tough go of it from the rail, and I don't think Pollard's Vision is a good enough horse to come from way outside.

Tapit is though. He, along with stalker Master David, and pacesetter Lionheart are my three picks, in any order, if you're going to limit me to just guessing the WPS.

I think enough of Lionheart to really believe he'll be a factor. That being said, I can't see keying the only front runner in the win column in what is going to be the longest race of his young career so far. I'm betting he's going to get caught in the stretch.

If you're asking me what to do with $50 for this race, here's my advice:

Two Trifecta Wheels:

8 (Master David), 11 (The Cliff's Edge), 12 (Borrego), 18 (Tapit) WITH 8/11/12/18 WITH 3 (Lionheart) = $12

Repeat, with Lionheart keyed into Place, with 8/11/12/18 surrounding = $12

With the $26 remaining, take $5 to Win fliers on the following horses:

Pollard's Vision, Friends Lake, Borrego, Read The Footnotes, Birdstone

Prices should be pretty healthy on these five, returning $60-$150 if they win.

With your last dollar? Buy a Racing Form, they know more about this than I do.

Kentucky Derby Blog

A = Good Chance
B = Has a Shot
C = Slim to None
D = No Way in Hell:

1 – Limehouse - B, unless wet/sloppy track, then C

2 – Song of the Sword - D

3 – Lionheart - A

4 – Action This Day - D

5 – Wimbledon - B/C

6 – Friends Lake - A

7 – Minister Eric - D

8 – Master David - B

9 – St Averil - B

10 – Imperialism - C

11 – The Cliff’s Edge - A

12 – Borrego - A my longshot bet

13 – Birdstone - D

14 – Read The Footnotes - B

15 – Smarty Jones - A

16 – Castledale - C

17 – Pollard’s Vision - B

18 – Tapit - A

19 – Pro Prado - C

20 – Quintons Gold Rush - C

Kentucky Derby Blog

Quick analysis of each entry, sorted by post position:

1 – Limehouse - Pace = Early Midpack (EMP)
What to Like: 6-7 graded stakes (GS) in the money, 2-0 at Churchill Downs
What to Dislike: 90+ Speed# in wins, under 90 in losses, tired at 1 1/8 miles (longest race), only has three races over one mile, not a mudder – which could factor from the rail on a wet/sloppy track

2 – Song of the Sword - Pace = Midpack (MP) – Slow Starter
Like: Not much
Dislike: Inexperienced, only 2 GS with no wins, has regressed in last two

3 – Lionheart - Pace = Frontrunner (FR) – Speed
Like: Consistent speed#s, 2-2-0 in 4 GS (1-1 in G1 races), great post for early speed, regular rider Mike Smith, no losses of more than ½ length
Dislike: Average speed#s, inexperienced, hasn’t won in last two, has run too wide in last two

4 – Action This Day - Pace = Closer (CL)
Like: BC Juvenile victory (October), OK workouts
Dislike: Low speed#s, hasn’t won or been better than fourth since October BC win.

5 – Wimbledon - Pace = MP
Like: Baffert+Bailey, post position, 97 spd# in LA Dby (G2), can factor from just off or even way off
Dislike: Took five races to break maiden, fifth in last race at Santa Anita Dby (regression?)

6 – Friends Lake - Pace = MP
Like: Beat favorite The Cliff’s Edge in 3/13 FL Dby, sired by AP Indy, usual rider, overachiever, good post draw
Dislike: Inexperienced, only two GS races (although is 1-0-1 in those two), one great victory – but was priced 17-1, has never carried 126

7 – Minister Eric - Pace = EMP or Late Mid Pace (OFF)
Like: 2nd @ BC Juvenile, Pat Day aboard
Dislike: No GS since BC in October, low speed#s, low class, if not setting pace – unlikely to factor

8 – Master David - Pace = EMP
Like: Good finish @ Wood (2nd / G1), pushed pace in the Sham, Solis 1-1-0 in 2 aboard, Bobby Frankel training
Dislike: Low speed#s, ran only on turf in England, late moves to close have resulted in four second place finishes

9 – St Averil - Pace = MP
Like: Usual rider, 1-2-0 first 3 GS, Lots of speed from midpack
Dislike: 6th by 10L in SA Dby, regression, weakened badly in first 1 1/8 try, inexperienced

10 – Imperialism - Pace = CL
Like: Very experienced, 2-0-1 in 4 GS, doesn’t get tempted by early pace
Dislike: Average speed, didn’t dominate @ Calder, has never won over one mile on dirt

11 – The Cliff’s Edge - Pace = CL
Like: Won’t bite on early speed, good work since Feb 2004, appears to be in form, usual rider, explainable loss (bumped) @ FL Dby, 4-2-1 in 8 races, 2-0 @ CD in GS races
Dislike: Erratic spd#s, can get too far behind

12 – Borrego - Pace = MP
Like: 0-3-0 in last three in good class, can run from wide, rounding into form
Dislike: Below average spd#s, can get too wide

13 – Birdstone - Pace = EMP
Like: Prado+Zito, 3-0-0 in 5
Dislike: Only one GS in the money, low spd#s, no competition, no April races

14 – Read The Footnotes - Pace = EMP
Like: 3-0-0 in 5 GS (no G1), 96 spd in the Fountain of Youth (G2), can factor if pressed
Dislike: No April races, erratic spd#s (65-102), no Jerry Bailey aboard, never this wide/long/heavy

15 – Smarty Jones - Pace = FR
Like: Never beaten (6-0-0), great spd#s (91-100 in all stakes races)
Dislike: Only 1 GS, too wide to press pace?, no-name jockey, is this horse for real?

16 – Castledale - Pace = MP
Like: 3 US races – all GS – 2-0-0, 4-2-0 in seven since Maiden
Dislike: SA Dby win a big surprise, low spd#s, Irish horse – not a lot of data, never from this wide

17 – Pollard’s Vision - Pace = MP
Like: Rounding into form (1/3/1/2 in last four), experienced, hung a 103 spd# last time out (103/95/95 last three), Seabiscuit karma (named after jockey)
Dislike: Only 2 GS, can’t decide whether to press or lay back, two clumsy starts, blind in one eye

18 – Tapit - Pace = MP
Like: 3-0-0 (3 GS) in last 4, can strike from wide, with bad race tossed – consistent spd# in low 90s
Dislike: Bad race @ FL Dby, too wide, inexperienced

19 – Pro Prado - Pace = OFF
Like: 1-0-3 in 4 for 2004
Dislike: Only 2 GS – no wins, lost three straight to Smarty Jones, inconsistent speed

20 – Quintons Gold Rush - Pace = EMP
Like: Consistent – but low – spd#s, won last race (Lexington G2)
Dislike: Inexperienced, only one win since maiden, too wide to press pace

Daily Racing Form - Kentucky Derby - 2004 Derby Field

Early M/L odds for the Derby with post draw is now up. As expected, The Cliff's Edge is entrenched as the current favorite at 4-1. Smarty Jones is second at 9-2, and Tapit is 8-1.

As I was speculating, every other horse in the field is north of 10-1, with a full half of the field above 20-1.

Good value early on Limehouse (30-1, from the post - let's hope it's not sloppy), Wimbledon (15-1, Jerry Bailey from the 5 hole), and my sentimental choice Pollard's Vision from post 17 at 20-1.

I'm going to do my best to get the PPs soon, and give my best and most unscientific breakdown of how I think the race will shake out. I take no responsiblity (Pauly) for giving you bad information.

Admittedly, I'm a hack.

Old School…

I thought perhaps a good, solid rambling effort here on the blog would keep me in high spirits today. I should have some time to write here at my desk, as I busted serious ass yesterday, and have quite a bit to show for my efforts. So today? A little downtime, and some disjointed thoughts here and there when the occur to me.

I pride myself on being a very capable speller. As a matter of fact, I’m one of those people who can look at a page of text and gravitate immediately to errors, as they stick out to me like a sore thumb. And, as I’ve mentioned before, intentionally misspelled items, especially substituting “K” for “C,” or “Z” used to pluralize, are like fingernails on the blackboard as far as I’m concerned.

This is a primary reason I don’t use the word “occurring” in sentences when I write. I can’t for my life look at that word, whether spelled properly or improperly, and have it look like it’s accurate.

That being said, I checked Google, and I have used it twice previously. But I really have avoided it far more than twice while typing.

Getting back to the “K” for “C,” or “Z’ used to pluralize thought… I’m really quite distressed that we’ve lowered expectations so much in this country that it is acceptable to misspell words in the public domain, even though our education system, frankly, needs all the help it can get. Doesn’t it make a great deal of sense to have things spelled appropriately on all signage, packaging, and commercials in this country?

Oh, and band names. Kids are going to have a hard enough time with the “U-I” in “biscuit” without some snarky bunch of assholes throwing a “Z” and a “K” in there for them to chew on.

If I were All Ruling Lord and Dictator of this country, I’d make it a fineable offense to have words spelled inappropriately in public. That, and those idiot ad wizards over at Dannon would have to stop calling yogurt “fun.”

So, not only am I smoking again, but I’ve moved back up to the American Spirit Organic Regulars, which means I’m essentially smoking Reds. For $7.60 a pack. The benefit here is that they burn real slow (and taste real good), so if I’m chain smoking alongside a Marlboro smoker, he’s smoking something like two and a quarter of his for every one of mine.

This smoking thing only crept back up for two reasons. Number one, the play. There are four other smokers in the group, so there’s a little smoker’s camaraderie going on. Secondly, about a month ago the hot girl who lives in the lower half of my house came upstairs to bum a cigarette. Of course I want her to continue to feel like she can come on up anytime her tobacco jones hits her, so I might as well keep smokes around the house.

Is “just in case the hot girl asks” a good enough reason to start up smoking again?

This is where the “Thoroughbred Selections” part comes into play

Pauly has encouraged me to post my Kentucky Derby picks. While I’m not yet prepared to give you actual selections right now, I will give you a little insight as to what I think is going to happen.

First off, this is going to be a big field, somewhere between 14 and 20 horses. I’m guessing we’ll have 17 or 18 at the post. Of this field, I would put the over/under for lowest odds at 7/2 for any horse at post time. I’m guessing we’ll have a horse or two around that number, and then a whole bunch (probably between eight and ten) of horses going off between 6-1 and 9-1.

I believe your winner is going to come from that pack.

This is a little bit of a down year for the three year-old crop. There aren’t any Fusiachi Pegasus type horses, and there isn’t even an Empire Maker in the bunch. What you’ve got are about ten quality horses such as:

Smarty Jones
Tapit
Limehouse
Pollard’s Vision
Minister Eric
Imperialism
Lion Heart
The Cliff’s Edge (your likely favorite)
Master David
Friends Lake

And all ten of these horses, depending on post draw and pace, could have a legitimate shot at winning.

Frankly, I’m sure I’m missing a horse or two off that list, and without looking at past performances, I’m positive I’ll be likely to rule one or two of them out of contention by Saturday.

Regardless, the point is that this is an absolutely wide open Triple Crown season. To wit, here are some bold early predictions:

The winner of the Derby will finish no better than fourth in either of the next two legs of the Triple Crown.
With nine different WPS slots across the three races, I predict at least six different horses will occupy those nine slots, with no repeat winners.
The winner of the Derby will not compete in the third leg, the Belmont, after not winning the Preakness.
The average odds for the winners of the Triple Crown races will be at least 5-1.

When you’re a casual horseplayer like myself, and you’re staring at a huge field of quality horses in a race such as this, I believe the best way to strategize your gambling is twofold.

Number One – Find a horse you can root for - There are a ton of potential winners in the field. What I plan on doing is looking at the PPs, breaking down in very general terms how I think the race will unfold (who are the speed horses, who’s coming from off the pace, which post positions will affect that horse’s chances), and I’m positive I’ll still have at least a half dozen horses I really like, and another five that could have a puncher’s chance. From that group, I’ll look at jockey and trainer connections, and what happened to them in their prep races. I might be able to shave another horse or two from the list. Then, you pick your champion, put your money down, make sure everyone knows who you’re behind, and hopefully look like a genius when your horse crosses the wire first.

Number Two – Play the exotics - Were this a 20 horse field with a Secretariat/Fusiachi Pegasus-level favorite going off at 1-2, I’d be ignoring this advice and probably not betting on this race at all. That being said, I firmly believe that this could be a year where the Exacta and Trifecta payoffs could shoot through the roof. Whenever you’re talking about exotics, there are always a nearly infinite number of ways to construct them, and a nearly equally infinite number of ways they can be destroyed by the unpredicted or unprotected finishes of horses outside of your picks.

In a field like this, making “wheel” trifecta picks (pegging a more limited number of horses into one or two of the slots, and increasing the field for the remaining) may allow you to put more horses in the Show slot, but shutting them out of a possibility to upset the field may cost you sleepless nights down the road. The only solution in a deep field is to box whatever horses you can, protecting each projected finisher into each of the Win, Place, and Show slots. The more you box, the more expensive your ticket, but I’ve had too many trifectas ruined by the win of a horse I had wheeled solely into third place to advise you any differently.

Thoroughbred gambling and thoroughbred handicapping collide on Kentucky Derby Day. Every true handicapper worth his salt will have money on this race, and even the casual fan (the thoroughbred gambler) like myself will reach into his wallet for this one. My final guidelines for constructing the winning Trifecta for this race are as follows:

You must identify the horses that are likely to want to run at the very front of the pack. Throw out any horse from this group that has M/L odds of more than 10-1, and also any front running horse that is saddled with a post position outside of 14. Also throw out any front running horse that has not ran this distance or longer in its previous three races. If you are left with more than two horses, take your favorite two.
Look at the mid-pack runners next. Throw out any runner from outside of post position 14 if they seem like front-of-the-mid-pack type racers. Discounting previous races of 7.5 furlongs or less, look for steady or increasing speed figures combined with races that have a patterned history of pace. Ideally, you want a horse or horses that look like they are used to running the distance, and have been able to run “their race” successfully. Throw out any horse from this (or any) grouping who has seemingly regressed over the past two months. If you are left with more than four horses from this group, choose your favorite three.
The closers in this race are going to only be valuable for consideration if there is not a great deal of early speed in the race. In other words, if there are three or more front runners in this race, I would place a severe discount on any deep closers in this race. If there is not a great deal of early speed, again look at most recent history, find a consistent runner who is making up ground rapidly on his competition in the final ¼, and has posted consistent or increasing speed figures and efforts. Select only the best single horse from this group.
With one closer, three mid-pack horses, and two front runners, you can build a six horse Trifecta box for $120 (6*5*4). Throwing one more horse (I’d toss a front runner) out will give you a $60 Trifecta box (5*4*3).
If you do insist on setting up a wheel, remember this: the more early speed in the race, the more likely the winner will come from early speed. If there are four early speed horses in the race, put them in first. Throw all your midpackers in second, and then take a shot at a small group in third. You can save a touch of money if you construct that appropriately, but it’s a tough sell in my book in a race as wide open as this one.

In the news…

A couple of things I wanted to mention, stolen from the headline/blurb format I get from Google News…

Elton John calls “American Idol” voting, “Incredibly Racist.” - Yeah, so? Maybe I’m naïve, but if I’m not mistaken this whole “Idol” phenomenon boils down to the adolescent/teen fantasy about getting famous overnight. In other words, they’re catering to the 12-17 year olds out there, even though you and I both know this show has a much larger audience. These are the kids that are (presumably) doing the vast bulk of the voting. Just ask yourself this question: With the show targeted to pop (not rap, not even true R&B) sensibilities, is this a show that most black people are probably interested in? I’d guess probably not. And when you consider that the 12-17 year olds are living a vicarious fantasy through these contestants, doesn’t it go to follow that they are going to gravitate towards the ones that they seem to identify with?

I know that doesn’t explain Ruben Studdard, but it certainly does explain Kelly, Clay, and Justin.

Critics cry foul over 20/20 segment - Honest-to-god people, this is a reality show style thing they’re doing for prospective adoptive parents where they will be giving away a baby at the end of it. I don’t know if they have to remodel a room for less than $1k, or eat a whole bunch of pig balls to win the child, but what the hell is going through the heads of network executives? Giving away a baby? Aren’t we smarter than this? No?

By the way, I did catch the “reveal” part of “The Swan” this week, and they worked a freaking miracle with one of the women. Wow. She went from a 3.5 to at least an 8, probably a 9. Solid work gentlemen…

Cracks in the glass slipper genre – What do girls want? After a string of disappointing box office results for films aimed at girls this year… - I bet I know what girls want. Don’t freaking pander to them. Look, the fairy tale thing is nice, but if they’d just learn to couch it around something smart, or smart/funny like “Shrek” did, these movies would become more successful. Oh, and Anne Hathaway doesn’t always have to play a princess. Can we find her something else to do? If the studios would take more than ten seconds thinking up a plot for these movies, and give young girls credit for being smarter than they think they are, they’d do a lot better, trust me.

Here’s Your Derby Field

This is listed in the order of post position draw. Expect one to three horses to scratch, especially if the rains come on Saturday.
1 -- Minister Eric, Pat Day
2 -- Master David, Alex Solis
3 -- Friends Lake, Richard Migliore
4 -- Imperialism, Kent Desormeaux
5 -- St Averil, Tyler Baze
6 -- Action This Day, David Flores
7 -- Wimbledon, Jerry Bailey
8 -- The Cliff's Edge, Shane Sellers
9 -- Pollard's Vision, John Velazquez
10 -- Borrego, Victor Espinoza
11 -- Smarty Jones, Stewart Elliott
12 -- Read the Footnotes, Robby Albarado
13 -- Birdstone, Edgar Prado
14 -- Lion Heart, Mike Smith
15 -- Castledale, Jose Valdivia
16 -- Tapit, Ramon Dominguez
17 -- Pro Prado, John McKee
18 -- Song of the Sword, Norberto Arroyo
19 -- Limehouse, Jose Santos
20 -- Quintons Gold Rush, Corey Nakatani

Bad-Beat-o-Meter

Eh...

My patience level is not there tonight, so I got off PartyPoker, but not after getting trounced for $32 on the $1/$2 tables in about 20 minutes.

The player to my left was catching EVERYTHING.

I was dealt K2s on the button, and saw a cheap flop with 8 others. Why not? I caught AJ7 of my suit on the flop. Nut flush flop. Then a 6 on the turn, A on the river busted my nut flush and gave the player to my left Aces full of sixes.

Argh.

I was about to tilt madly, so I shut it down. What the hell.

I’ve been robbed…

Someone, in their attempt to drive traffic to their website, has stolen my bloglines feed and jacked it for their own website.

At least they had the decency to link back to me, but it was puzzling what in particular they pulled. It was a truncated rambling of mine regarding weird fetishes, specifically regarding shoes. Basically, it was all about how I can see how a nice pair of shoes on a nice woman can be sexy, but I’m not about to smell them or try anything “funny” with them.

Feet smell like feet. Isn’t that enough of a less-than-lukewarm endorsement for you? I don’t see where the erection comes into play.

Speaking of smells, here is a quick list of some of my favorite outdoors smells:

>> A charcoal grill cooking steaks a house or two over
>> The 200 yard radius around any Burger King restaurant
>> Fresh cut grass
>> Early morning cool mountain air, still thick with dew

I was wondering about what a dump/landfill smells like. I mean, I know they smell bad, but what do they smell like? Is that the smell of everything? How about the smell of rot? Or, maybe it’s everything rotting? I really don’t dig landfills very much. In order to avoid them in my next life, I’m hoping I don’t come back to this world as a Seagull or a Mob Boss. I don’t even euphemistically want to work for public sanitation.

Mentioning the mob reminds me of my partial Italian heritage. Since I never had a grandmother who cooked all day and smelled of garlic and basil, and since I’ve never really had the pleasure of having any relatives I even remotely thought for a minute could have been affiliated with organized crime, most of my ideas and ideals regarding my Italian heritage have come from TV and the movies. Here are a few of my favorite Italian things:

>> The quote, “It fell off the back of a truck, what’s it to you?”
>> Anytime someone asks someone to pass the ”Gabbagool,” whatever that is
>> All those great gestures that all mean the same thing as the middle finger (the chin flick and the crotch grab, for instance)
>> Chest hair that can obscure even the shiniest of gold chains
>> A stoolie getting two in the head from point blank range
>> Any excuse to wear a wife beater t-shirt with dress pants and shoes

From the files of “you’ve got to be kidding me,” I got invited last night to Clover Bar to have a beer or two with K and a few of her friends. If it wasn’t for her friend C, who is a year older than I am, I would have been the oldest by seven years at the table. Not that it’s a big deal, except for the girl on my left whose stories all started with, “This one time, after we drank a whole bottle of Pucker…” I think if I’m counting the years since I’ve drank a whole fifth of anything, or figuring out how long it’s been since I had my head tilted back with a towel around my neck and two or more people dumping bottles of whatever into my mouth, well, I’m guessing you’d be counting on two hands at least.

The “you’ve got to be kidding” moment happened when we were talking about the play I was in, which she came to see on Saturday night. She starts in about the costumes, and how they sucked. I try to explain that we don’t exactly have a closet full of clothes, and each play generally necessitates quite a bit of thrift shop shopping in order to find decent stuff. She cuts me off though, and starts picking on the costume choices for one of the actresses, saying it’s obvious that this character is supposed to be a trophy wife, and they didn’t dress her like that at all. That’s not how most of us saw the character at all. I tried to bring that point up, got about four words out of my mouth, and she totally snapped at me, saying, ”You’re going to let me finish what I had to say, then you can talk.”

No, fuck you. If you really ever want to make someone totally stop listening to you, that would be the phrase you should trot out. There’s a difference between having a discussion, which is what I thought we were doing, and listening to her goddamn dissertation, which is what ended up happening. She really did end up talking for the next five minutes straight, nitpicking every costume in the show, and then had the nerve at the end of her lecture to say, “Now, what was it you wanted to say?”

Uh, “Kiss my ass?” How about, “We’re all dumber for having sat and listened to that drivel for the past ten minutes?” I just said, “No, that’s OK. I don’t feel the need to discuss this further,” and basically continued to ignore her until I took off after I killed my beer. I’m fairly confident she didn’t get the hint, but I know her friend did, so I’m guessing/hoping something was said afterward. Not that it matters much, but if a woman is going to let the bitch out, there’d better generally be a good reason. Not this time.

This doesn’t mean I’m not still trying to sleep with her. But after taking shit like this from the ex-wife, I’m certainly not going to take it from a girl who isn’t currently letting me have my fun with her after hours.

Side note to last night. Remember I had mentioned that she had no sense of humor about herself? With just her best friend in earshot, I gave her a nickname based on a pretty gruesome little bruise she suffered at the hands of a tree stump this weekend. I said, “From now on, we’ll call you Stumpy. Stumpy McRoot.” She shot daggers at me from her eyes. “Don’t call me Stumpy.”

Now, she’s 5’10”. There’s not a damn thing about the girl that’s Stumpy. If I had called a short person that, then that person might have license to be mad. But a tall girl? C’mon. I can’t have a little fun at your expense Stumpy? Unreal.

What my friend Dave is currently working on…

Interesting article about a Stanford/IBM collaboration to try to develop better ways to harness electron spin for modern computing uses. My good friend Dave is (I think) on this project as one of the postdoctoral researchers. Kid is going to win a Nobel one of these days.

I’d give you Dave’s website link, but he happens to have some pictures of me on there, and, well, no one needs to see that.

I thought I was being clever…

Someone keeps brewing that flavored coffee in the regular pot here at work. Smells good, but I really can’t stand how that flavored coffee crap tastes. So I took the decaf pot, dumped it, put the coconut coffee in there, and started to brew in the regular pot. I even tied a paper towel in a knot around the decaf handle, which in restaurants means “smell me before you serve me.”

Anyway, with the regular pot free, I could brew my double-baggie special blend for my afternoon. The problem is, it takes forever for that stuff to brew. So, I figured once the pot was pretty full, and I could steal it out to pour myself a cup, I’d finagle a Styrofoam cup under the streaming coffee to catch what the pot would have if not for its temporary absence.

Only thing is, while trying to swap the positions of a big glass pot and a little foam cup, I somehow tossed the contents of the pot wildly against the sides, and a scalding shower came crashing down on my left hand, the same hand I was using to catch the stream from under the filter basket. I had to pour my coffee and do the little “it’s hot, it’s hot” dance while the splattered coffee seemingly ate through my wrist. I’ve got two nice dime-sized burns to prove it.

That’s what I get for being clever.

Something fun to do if you have a dog…

ebay, the flea market of our world, is a tremendous place to kill a little bit of time browsing around. I typed my dog’s breed (“welsh corgi”) into the search field, and came up with evidence that people are, in fact, less busy than they should be most of the time:

Meet Charlie

Beelze-dog

This is what I’d do with my homely daughter’s Jr. High School artwork too

It’s bad enough on the purse, but a matching checkbook cover?

Here’s a clue, if you’re wearing these, you’re not going to pick up a guy in the bar

Not that these are any better however

It’s only a “sculpture” if it’s 3D

I think you graduate from things like this to appliqué cat sweaters

Is it just me, or is this slightly unnerving?

Can you do me a favor and quit blaming this stupid excuse for jewelry on my people please?

Just so's you know...

I haven't given up on poker, I promise. I just haven't had the opportunity to play online with this play and all.

Today's Sign Of The Apocalypse

VH1 is producing a Hip-Hop Awards show for their network.

I've got nothing here, really.

It’s About That Time

NPR was reporting this morning that Massachusetts is looking to remove the government’s blessing from marriage altogether, leaving the concept of “marriage” directly in the hands of churches, which is what I’ve been telling you this would come down to all along.

Really, isn’t this the best way to solve this problem? If the Bible is going to be your defense against gay marriage, as opposed to using public policy and law, go join a church that doesn’t recognize gay marriage. It’s that easy. You don’t have to believe their god or their church is right, or even acting in the best interest of your version of Christianity.

This is the best solution to this problem anyone has proposed to this point. Enable these couples with civil union rights, and let the narrow minded religious right scoff and huff and puff about what the Episcopalians are doing. The government has no business mandating who can and can’t be married in the eyes of god. It’s the endorsing of such unions that is causing these problems, not the fact that gays want to marry in the first place.

Just Playin’ Around

Aside from my couch time Saturday project of diary blogging the entire (and record breakingly long) first round of the NFL Draft, my weekend was really quite chock full of only one thing, and that was the play.

Friday night was opening night, and we not only had the cameras there, documenting our performance for posterity, but we also had the reviewers from both local newspapers in the house to proffer their opinions in print.

Due to the somewhat shortened rehearsal schedule, I must admit that I’ve not yet felt confident at any point here that I really know my lines. That’s not a healthy feeling to have in the seconds before your entrance.

Anyway, Friday night went off quite nicely. In my first scene, I got a little garbage mouthed, and turned this line:

”I not only intend to keep that sorry SOB from ever getting re-elected to the state senate by exposing his shady, criminal dealings, but I also intend to decimate his personal credibility…”

Into this line:

”I not only intend to keep that sorry SOB from ever getting re-elected to the state senate by exposing his shady, criminal dealings, but I not only intend to decimate his personal credibility…”

When crap like that happens to me, bells and whistles start going off in my head, and I’m set on an internal freakout, hoping for the love of god that no one in the audience heard me.

No big deal, I realize, but it did tilt me a little bit out there.

The rest of the show went very, very well. We had a really good review that appeared in Saturday’s paper in Muskegon (no online link, I checked), and we should have our review (which we got an early copy of) in today’s Grand Haven paper.

In both reviews, the women in the play (all four of them) are singled out for their performances, while the other guy and I were just mentioned as being “in” the show. Well, we are supporting actors in this after all.

Saturday night we met with the dreaded second night letdown. The energy level just wasn’t there.

Actually, in my first scene onstage, I actually blanked out in the middle of a line for the first time ever. My line was, “…or we could go with innocent, by reason of temporary insanity. But basically, I intend to prove Zackery Botrelle brutalized and tormented that poor woman…,” and I blanked out right after saying “temporary insanity.” Luckily, it was only for about three beats, and I didn’t get the “deer in the headlights” look in my eyes, so I think it really only looked like an amateur actor taking a far-too-long dramatic pause, rather than a dude who didn’t know what the hell to say next.

The other “uh oh” moment of the evening came when “Babe” skipped almost a whole page of dialogue in her conversation at the end of act one with “Meg.” It’s not as if that dialogue was crucial or anything, it just explains to the entire audience why she had to shoot her husband, and who she’s protecting in the process.

In between acts, “Babe” was absolutely freaking out. I did come up with a fix though, and at the end of act two changed one of my lines slightly to give the audience the “Ah, that’s why” moment they needed to understand the plot. The director actually took me aside and thanked me for saving the day with that one.

Ain’t no thing.

K came to see the show on Saturday. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks, and hadn’t really made an effort whatsoever to talk to her either. She did show up looking really good, and I got a surprisingly hot kiss at the end of the night when I dropped her back off at her car after the bar. That led to this exchange (I’m not smooth, so forgive the cheese factor here):

We kiss, and kiss some more.
“Maybe you should come back to my place for awhile,” I offered.
“I really can’t, I have to go to church in the morning,” countered K.
“You know, church is the perfect place to repent for your sins.”

Yes, I did really say that, but considering my personality and sense of humor, something cheesy and absurd coming out of my mouth is more the rule, and less the exception.

She didn’t take me up on my offer though.

Sunday’s show was spot-on perfect. After fucking up a couple of times Saturday, I think we all got our jitters out. All I can hope to do from here is to continue to replicate that performance this week.

All I’m anxious for at this point is to get my evenings back. I really doubt I’ll be doing another show for quite awhile now. I owe it to my dog to not be ditching him every night like I have been for the last three or four weeks.

NFL Draft Blog

It's a long read, so I bumped it back to the archives...