Sandbagging

I'm not quite ready to get into it, but - totally unrelated to the job front - let's just say the sun is shining on BG's ass today. Holy fuck are you guys going to hate me...

Tracking a Breaking Story out of Allentown, PA

I rarely talk about the job directly here. Part of it is that while what I do can be interesting, that doesn't mean that it usually is. What I do is kind of like an HR tech support role, and if that doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, that's really all I'm giving up for right now.

I'm a first lieutenant though, out on the front lines all by myself. My boss works 180 miles away, and up until last week I had only physically met two other people that work for the division of the corporation I do. It took my boss awhile to get comfortable that the hyperbole-prone sardonic tone on the other end of the phone wasn't incapable of delivering what he was looking for and more. He didn't warm up for awhile, and it took over a year before I escaped the feeling of imminent doom that crept into my head on the eve of each of his visits.

Still, with extremely limited interaction among the rest of my division, in the role of a bit player on policy and activity, and in an account that was mature and causing few ripples on the corporate radar, I hadn't a clue as to how I might be perceived by my peers, their bosses and corporate higher ups.

I guess I needn't have worried.

My division is one of the most steadily growing arms of a Fortune 500, delivering a fairly unique service* to large corporate clients. Sometimes, a program we're running needs short-term gaps filled. I've done that. What I'm doing with the business travel currently is more of a bail-out scenario of a relationship gone sour. I am the rebound date, the one to which the too-easily lost girl will hopefully fall for over lasagna and chianti. The one she'll fall for instantly, want to give herself to willingly, the one she'll invite into her home and for whom she'll clear out a drawer. I'm the guy her best friend knows from work, knew well enough to debrief him and urge him to be on his best behavior, sparing her the indignities of the recent past.

*I would wager there are less than 1500 people who do the type of onsite work I do with corporate clients nationwide.

I'm earning points here. Big points. And while that was obvious in the abstract coming in to this situation, it has become expressly clear as I've hosted my (temporary) boss and his boss, the regional manager under whom I currently do not report. I sat with the boss in a consultation with a marginally satisfied end user and knocked both their socks off. The regional guy and I met with our champions on the client side, the ones who may not have precipitated but easily pushed for the personnel switch, and I killed. I know my role, I know how to express that role verbally, and I know what they wanted to hear.

And I'm delivering right now. Big time.

What gave me the ability to jump into this situation was a happy merge of circumstance and skill. I'm good at what I do, and they wouldn't have asked me for help if I wasn't, but my current client's needs were drying up and I made damn sure every key party up the ladder knew I was willing and able to go anywhere and do anything they asked me to do next. "Just tell me where to go," I told my regional manager about a month ago. "I trust you to help me realize my potential and what that next step for me should be."

I knew this opportunity was a good one, and I knew there were some long-term possibilities here, but these things are more nebulous than tangible for me right now. I could kick enough ass to be "the guy" here for the long-term, but there are a lot of stars that have to align beyond just my delivery of great service. These things are way out there at this point, and I need to focus on the immediate and the now on this situation.

All of a sudden this week, things just started dropping into my lap. I read on Monday we landed two accounts, one in Silicon Valley, one in the Northwest. Then on Tuesday morning my boss (my actual usual boss) called and let me know something in Chicago opened up and I had the inside track to taking it over.

I knew I had a better-than-average shot of getting out of town before October, but I didn't realize this might happen before summer hits. I spent a good deal of time with the regional manager guy on Tuesday afternoon, and found out that I've been tabbed as a "high-riser" in the company, one of the few people in my current position who has an analytical mind and isn't just an HR-type. I found out that he'd stick me on his team in a heartbeat, and knowing all this was a real pleasant surprise. We spent time talking through these situations, and we both came to the conclusion that I have to pursue them (duh), but I should focus heavily on the opening in the Northwest. Chicago's good, would be a promotion, but it's a stable program that isn't going to grow or challenge me. In other words, not a whole lot beyond what I'm doing now. Silicon Valley would be good, but if I want to be a homeowner sometime in this lifetime it'd be fairly dumb to take the position out there with my paychecks. That leaves Portland. I get implementation experience, the joys of going through the growing pains and policy-setting turmoil of a young program, and because the client is a real big name (as is the SV job), it's high visibility. Then again, if Pennsylvania gives herself to my company fully, that'd be a huge coup and I'd be the resurrecter, the conquering hero. I'd also be dealing on a global level, and would likely have people reporting through me. Too many "ifs" right now on this one though. I just can't see this being totally viable anytime soon.

I want the job in the Northwest though. Bad.

Within a span of three weeks I went from wondering "what's next" to realizing I have a fairly good shot of being able to select that next step. It's been an astonishingly good couple of weeks for me, despite the liquor law griping and the fact that the rental car counter girl hasn't fellated me yet. Whatever happens next, so long as it isn't just treading water, I'm excited as hell to start over somewhere new this summer. Chances are really good it'll be on my terms.

Stupid In Love: A Reality Email Drama

Monday, 10AM

To: Joe
From: Andrea
Subject: Games

Are you still playing the I am not calling Andy b/c she doesn't call me everyday game.

Monday, 1040AM

To: Andrea
From: Joe
Subject: RE: Games

Andy, I am not playing any games with you?? That's your job. I am so tired of the same thing every couple of weeks.

Do you even remember???

You call me on Sat. to tell me you will be at my house at 3-. I call you back and you tell me you had made plans to do "stuff" at your mothers. You will be over the latest 5:30- OK, So I wait, get the crock pot stuff together and I am waiting for you.

You call me at 5:40 on my cell. All your message says is..."I'm not coming over"...click.

No hello, no goodbye, just that statement than you hang up.

You also call from Bob's cell phone.

I call you back and again...""I'm not coming over".. Thats it again. I tell you to bring Bob with you and now I hear how sick Bob is and you can't come over???? What the hell Andy! I am tired of your bullshit stories all the time. We made these plans a week ago.

Even on the day of our plans you still have to lie. If you were hanging with Bob, you should've told me instead of having me wait till 20 to 6 with your wacky messages.

I'm not mad Andy. That is who you are and I accept it.

I am not going to fight with you.

It would have been better if you just told me you were not coming instead of the storys.

-Joe

Monday, 1047AM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

There are no stories.
You are way overbearing and expect so much, we made plans to play at your house and all of a sudden we aren't so who changed the plans. Bob was going to leave at 1 but he was really sick, he couldnt' even get up to drive home, you can call and ask him if you need to. I really don't have to explain myself to you and if you dont' like it then well too bad, I told him I would hang out with him since I really didn't know how to get to Jensen's house. but I chose not to come to your house after I stopped by my mother's. According to you, you were going to Jensen's by 3 and I would have to come alone. Joe, maybe you should get your plans straight and then I can adhere to them. I am sick of you telling me I am lyeing, I am not lyeing, I choose not to have to tell you anything and could care less what you or anyone else thinks of my judgement, I am an adult and make my own decisions. If I choose to stay and help my friend who doesn't feel good then well that is my choice, not yours to question.

Andy

Monday, 115PM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

Told you Im not fighting with you...

Yes you are an adult, that's why I get a call from you saying..."I'm not coming over"...click. ( nothing else)

Andy you were wacked up. I have the message. And I did call Bob after you called me from his cell phone. And I did leave him a message. Andy you know you dicked me, justify it anyway you want. Again, I'm not mad , This is nothing new.

-Joe

Monday, 119PM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

You can say whatever you want, I was not wacked up.I was watching Lord of War. You say you aren't fighting but you still fight.

Like I said I really don't care what you think. YOU changed the plans. Oh we are having a party at my house with horsdevours and everyone here.Oh we are going to Jensen's. Again you tell me who changed the plans. And dont' call me and ask if I am ok every time you don't hear from me. I am fine, worry about yourself.

Monday, 140PM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

I will Andy.
Maybe you should do the same.

Why would you call me and say "Im not coming over" and not even say hello or goodbye.

Andy You were on pills, pot, something.
I am not stupid Andy, so save for someone else.

I don't care what you do with Bob.
He has nothing to do with it.

You will screw me over time and time again.
I am the stupid one for giving a shit.

I hope Bob is worth it.
Have a good time with him and get as fucked up as you want with him...

Enjoy-
Joe

Monday, 147PM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

I wasn't on pills or booze or anything. I don't have to justify myself to YOU. or anyone for that matter. Bob is a friend and he was sick. Whatever. Go and horrify another 12 year old Joe, don't push your judgement on me, take a good look.

Monday, 152PM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

Ok Andy...didn't horrify anybody, but if you want to take this road,I can say a lot about you.
You are so great. You never horrified me at all.
Not week after week.

You know what Andy, I took your side all the time.
I see now, It is always someone doing you wrong, huh.

Get a clue Andy.
You treat your friends who stand by you like shit and abusive people like gold.

I guess I'm [City Name Redacted] Trash. I better stay with the [Other City Name Redacted] Trash, you know my own kind.

I'm gonna stop because I refuse to go to your level.
I could go on and on, but that will make me like you.
Lets just stop and finish our work day.
See you,

Joe

Monday, 440PM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

And you don't attend any one of your friends celebrations, partys, christenings, funerals, etc. because you are worried about yourself. OK. I am the bad friend.

Tuesday, 803AM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

Whatever Andy-
I never called you a bad friend Andy-

So Bob just came over without calling on sat.-OK
You knew you were hanging out with him.

What I do with my friends is between me and my friends.
A Christening? A Funeral?
Yes Andy I didn't go to them. And when they didn't go to my funerals, thats ok.
I still am happy to have the friends I have.
You really should worry about what functions I attend. I treat my friends with respect and they do the same for me.

You should talk about embarassing situations Andy.
You don't even remember all the things you have said to me...
Not once, Not twice, but all the times you are fucked up on pills and shit!

You want to go for the throat Andy??
I could go off on all your bullshit.

You screwed me over on Saturday but instead of being honest with me, you leave me hanging.
I know Bob didn't just stop over without you talking to him. I know this Andy.

No, you cant just say you made different plans.
It has to come to all this nasty shit.

Yea I was out of control last week. Look at you.
You still to this day don't even know how you got home from the pub???
What happened that night Andy?
I am the one to clean the broken wine glass from your bedroom.
Clean up your wallet you spilled all over.
Pick you up when you fall flat on your face, fall off your walker.
You think you weren't saying horrible things to me?
I can continue...But I won't.

I don't need this and I am sure you don't either.
Take care Andy, I hope one day you find happiness.

Tuesday, 811AM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

Like I said Done.
Don't call or email me again.
How is that for respect. I am a lot closer to happiness then you are that is for sure.
As far as getting home from the Pub well at least I didnt' drive and get a DWI

Tuesday, 854AM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

You blow my mind.
I have been nothing but a good friend to you.
You always have to go for the nasty shit.

OK - so now should I say something hurtful to get you back...
No, I wont do that.

Why would you leave that message.." I'm not coming over"..click
No Hello, Goodbye. Yea, you weren't fucked up.

Andy if this is what you want so be it.
I have always been there for you and have always been a good friend to you.

Take care.
-Joe

Tuesday, 901AM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

You are right, no need for the nasty shit.
Sorry.
WE can go back and forth with all the crap both of us have done.
I apologize for Sat., I was not f**ed up though.
You have been a good friend for the most part, but I there some things that bother me.
If you want we can discuss if not it's fine but they seem to be in my mind.

Tuesday, 915AM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:Games

Ok-I also apologize.

I can't do this anymore.
Robin used to go for the throat and say outragouse things that had
nothing to do with what we were talking about.
I would say stuff back and it went back and forth.
That only makes things worse and worse.

I told myself I would not do that again.

See ya, Have a good day- (:P)

Tuesday, 922AM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:Games

I know I thought about that when I did it, the way you respond to me I can tell it has baggage involved. You know I am like Robin in some ways. That is why we got along. I can't help having that part of me. It comes out sometimes like it did with Billy Cavatelli but most of the time it stays in.

Tuesday, 1103AM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: [blank]

make up sex???

Tuesday, 1106AM

To: Joe
From: Andy
Subject: RE:

NO

Tuesday, 1111AM

To: Andy
From: Joe
Subject: RE:

FINE

Fin.