Teen Movies

I haven't bothered to give it a listen, but apparently NPR pundits had a conversation regarding the best teen movies.

I'm absolutely qualified to weigh in on this debate. See, one of my secret shames is that I enjoy the crap out of these things. Aside from the ones that are specifically targeted at fourteen year old girls (e.g., New York Minute, or that Hilary Duff movie with Heather Locklear), I'll kill two hours on USA Network with most of these movies. Any. Given. Saturday.

Let's start with the Overrated and Awful of the bunch, just so you'll feel embarrassed that I have any depth in this crap at all:

American Pie: OVERRATED - Yes, it was about time that the raunch found its way back to the teen movie, and this one does get the added bonus of being set in my old neck of the woods (and part II directly in my hometown, I might add). But while we ended up with some decent characters, the bits in the movie were straight out of the Farrelly Brothers school. If you're going to go big and gross, it helps to have caricatures instead of characters. And don't even get me started on the next two movies... Rating: C+

The My Dad Is Important And I Just Want To Be Free Genre: I'm thinking specifically of the vehicles starring Mandy Moore and Katie Holmes as the President's daughter, and the one with Amanda Bynes as the illegitimate daugher of a British Parliamentarian. While all three movies were roundly predictable (the guy you fell for was an undercover Secret Service agent?!?! No!), at least the Amanda Bynes movie had a heart that wasn't prefabricated. And yes, I'm turning 32 next week. Moore/Holmes' movies rating: D+, Bynes' movie: B-

Drive Me Crazy: Is Melissa Joan Hart really all that attractive? She's got a blocky body and I just can't see her as the popular girl in school who could land Vincent Chase Adrian Grenier over Ali Larter. Who picks anyone over Ali Larter? The movie culminates with (something like) the Centennial Prom in this huge and gorgeous building with marble floors and staircases. My ex-wife was watching this with me once and scoffed, "Who the hell has their prom in a place like this?" Um, actually that's the exact place in which I went to the prom my junior year of high school. This is the only novelty to the movie for me, the rest is just a feeble attempt to talk myself into the logic behind leaving Larter for Hart. Rating: D-

Breakfast Club: OVERRATED - God help me, I just don't get why this movie is popular. If you're going to be ham-handed, the least you could do is be cloying at the same time so I don't have to feel like I'm being bludgeoned by high school stock character cliches spouting predictable rhetoric. Nothing against the capable performances here, but this movie never grew on me. Maybe it has something to do with seeing the Judd Nelson speech done by denim-jacketed losers two or three times in drama class in high school. This movie bugs me. Rating: C

Pretty In Pink: Fuck Ducky. Rating: D-

The Second Tier

Ten Things I Hate About You and Clueless: You've got to appreciate the inventive nature of resurrecting a (couple of) classic piece(s) of literature and adapting to the present day. Like everyone else, I think Clueless is really a terrific effort. It's a stylized version of reality with characters that aren't at all over the top. That's a fairly difficult maneuver. Ten Things... suffers a little bit from the constant reminders (Verona High, for instance) that we're talking Shakespeare here, but I have such a freaking crush on Julia Styles that I'm willing to overlook the rest. Rating: B

Save The Last Dance - Another Julia Styles vehicle, but this one has its own problems. First off, the fish-out-of-water angle of the story is poorly developed. You're telling me that in this country we're far enough outside the 1950s at this point for this girl to run in those inner circles from day two of her relocation to the ghetto? Shit, I moved back to my hometown for my senior year of high school and ate lunch alone for almost two months. Come on. Secondly, I'm' not suggesting that I support an insular approach to the appreciation of ethnic culture, but I'm always a little bit bugged when Stella has to channel her inner Barry White to get her groove back. Girl pops and locks throughout her entire school year, never once puts her leg up on one of those bars with the mirror behind it, and all of a sudden does the funky pirouette into Juilliard? Nilla please. I can just imagine the pitch on this one too. "It's like Stand and Deliver meets A Chorus Line!" Despite all this, it's got Julia Styles. That's usually plenty for repeat watchings. Rating: B-

Sixteen Candles: "The Donger" alone saves this one from the trash heap. Rating: C+

Better Off Dead: I thought this movie was freaking hilarious, but it really hasn't aged as well as I thought. Savage Steve Holland is the Kevin Smith of dancing claymation hamburgers, and that will have to do. Rating: B

Pleasantville: Technically, this isn't a "teen movie" the way some of the others are, but I always seemed to get sucked in when this one's on TV. Tobey Maguire was spot-on perfect in this one, as was William H. Macy and especially J.T. Walsh. I'm also a big fan of their use of music, especially in the malt shop scene where Tobey's talking literature with the kids. Soundtrack-wise it went to the time-approrpriate music much like Forrest Gump did, but instead of being obvious about the choices (a big fault of Gump, in my opinion), it did a great job of bringing popular-but-unique choices to the table. Plus, the closing scene has that Fiona Apple version of "Across the Universe" rolling, and that fucking gets me every time. Rating: B+

Bubble Boy: Jesuschrist was this ever funny the first time I saw it. The movie has become progressively less funny to me, but I'll generally make some time to watch it if it's on. Maybe this isn't a true "teen movie" either, but I'm including it anyway. Rating: B

Pump Up The Volume: This movie is probably the unsung hero of all teen movies. Girls loved Christian Slater, guys got to see Samantha Mathis take her top off (yes!), and the plot was just stick-it-to-the-man enough to get kids fired up. While I can't for a freaking second buy the third act of this thing (the FCC and SWAT coming to take a kid down?), it does just enough to work. It's like The Legend of Billie Jean, but without Helen Slater's fine, fine ass.* Rating: B+

Just One Of The Guys: Put me firmly in the group of people who thinks this movie is marginally overrated, but it absolutely passes the rewatchability test. By the way, did any of the three leads (Girl, brother, guy she liked) have any sort of career in this movie's wake? I think I saw the brother on a Circuit City commercial last week, actually. Rating: B

Dazed and Confused: You know why this one isn't top five? Because those damned dirty hippies I hung out with in college beat this movie into the ground for three years on me. As a result, I can't even watch it anymore. By the way, if you want a drinking game guaranteed to put you under the table in fifteen minutes, take a drink every time Wiley Wiggins touches his face or hair. I dare you. Rating: Movie = B+, My Opinion Of It Now = C-

Ferris Bueller's Day Off: This movie barely misses the cut for my top five, but it's more that I've never seen this as a "teen movie" as much as just a terrific comedy. I'm a fan, I'll watch it a hundred times, but it's not a "teen movie" in all actuality. Rating: A

Can't Hardly Wait: This is the late 90s most perfect example of a by-the-book teen movie. Get a guy who's kind of a dork with a big heart, have him chase the Homecoming Queen, make sure a whole bunch of shit gets effed up without going over-the-top, and then have her realize what a fool she is for missing out on something that could be true and honest in the final act. Ethan Embry and Jennifer Love Hewitt follow these plot points note-for-note, and are framed in nicely by all these little vignettes that work more often than they don't. Charlie Korsmo's "Paradise City" works, the redheaded kid who keeps stealing shit works, Melissa Joan Hart trying to get a complete set of yearbook signatures works. Lots to like here, and despite the predictability of the ending, the movie has a big heart. Rating: A

*You know what does it for me? Helen Slater in Supergirl. No kidding. A terrible fucking movie, but I love the part where she gets exposed to kryptonite and starts getting all drained of energy. As she's dwindling, there's the moaning. There's definitely the moaning. And then as she's totally in trouble and unable to move, there's the girl-in-trouble thing that smacks slightly of bondage. It's usually on after Beastmaster Saturdays on WGN.

Top Five, In Order

Give them all an "A."

5) Bring It On: Jesus, I'm embarrassed. The thing is though, this movie's first sixty minutes are pure freaking gold. You've got the cheerleader factor, Kirsten Dunst/Gabrielle Union looking like they'll drop gloves at any moment, Dushku as bad girl (yes!), and cheerleaders. Did I mention cheerleaders? The last 30 minutes (the big competition) is dumb, but for sixty minutes this is such a great excuse to ogle hotties in short skirts I can barely stand it. Hardly any adults around, no real wet blankets... I could watch this movie all day, and I can't believe I'm admitting to it either.

4) She's All That: Despite the implausibility that somehow Rachel Leigh Cook is the biggest nerd on campus, I can totally get behind this movie. It's fast-paced, the chemistry seems to work onscreen, and it's just entertaining enough to not be totally ignorable. Plus, Cook looks freaking smokin in that little red dress.

3) Can't Buy Me Love: From geek to chic as well, and what the hell ever happened to Ami Dolenz? And if you didn't crack up a little bit at that whole "did you ever see a titty that was this pretty" schtick, you have no sense of humor. Patrick Dempsey is the patron saint of teen movie dorkwads with a heart of gold.

2) Weird Science: Anytime, anywhere... If this movie's on, I'm watching it. Kelly LeBrock was ridiculously hot in her day, and pairing her with Anthony Michael Hall and that Wyatt dude worked miracles. That scene in the blues bar still fucking kills me.

1) Fast Times At Ridgemont High: If I could pluck any one girl out of any one movie, Phoebe Cates in Fast Times is in the conversation.** To me, this is the prototypical teen movie. Not cute, not idealized, but still engaging and funny. Two things bug me. Ratner, for one, would never in a million years get Stacy. For two? Not enough Phoebe Cates. Otherwise? This is the only one of the above-mentioned movies I'd actually go out of my way to rent.

And now you know way too much about how I spend my spare time.

**(For sake of argument: Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, Angelina Jolie in just about anything she's done, Helen Slater, Appolonia in Godfather II, Sara St. James in Femalien, and you know what? This list is way too long to complete.

Splitting Aces With Jack Elam

Is it just me, or would the Imperial Palace's concept of "Dealertainers" be a lot more fun if it didn't rely so much on the obvious? Yes yes, Sonny and Cher... Okay, you're Elwood Blues, I get it...

I'm thinking you could throw some wispy dude with a pencil thin moustache a beret and a scarf, give him a moleskine and a faraway look in his eyes and you'd be BETTING THE PASS LINE WITH MARCEL PROUST! Put an egghead in tweed with some wire rims, have him stand on a Bill James tome and you'd be excited to DOUBLE DOWN OFF CONSERVATIVE COLUMNIST GEORGE WILL.

Tell me about the rabbits, George.

Either that, or the casinos could make a game off of guessing your Dealertainer's identity. A nice head of wavy feathered brown hair on a tanned surfer boy in a butterfly collar leaves you stumped, but when he takes the mic to belt out "Honey," IT'S BOBBY FREAKING GOLDSBORO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

Maybe this crap is only fun for me.

So I'm taking my birthday off (June 26th) to go play golf with Al and Eva in the Boathouse Scramble, which should be a great time. Despite taking Monday, I'm still in possession of a veritable cornucopia of vacation days to blow over the final six months of the year. Of course, the big hangup currently involves the holidays. My mom's boyfriend is taking her to Colonial Williamsburg over Xmas, so it looks like I'm going to Milwaukee to visit my dad instead. Where I'm running into trouble in week freaking two of my Pennsylvania residency is with the early guilt groundwork my mom is laying. For instance:

"When are you coming back for your birthday?"

Really mom? I'm going to burn vacation time, kennel my dog and blow $500 on a tiny-airport-to-tiny-airport plane ticket to come back and have a pizza? Then there's:

"We'll just have to have Christmas a weekend early with you guys."

Okay, so what exactly do I do with the intervening week? I should burn five to seven vacation days so I can sit on my ass in Michigan while everyone works full days the week of the 18th? Unlikely.

I figure I'll get the hard sell on Thanksgiving and will probably have to suck it up and go, but between my odd frugality (I'm cheap if I'm going to be even slightly inconvenienced) and not being willing to give up vacation time that easily, I'm already irked.

Then again, I'm the first one of her boys who's lived more than three hours from home. I'll cut her some slack if she gets off my ass about Arbor Day.

Short note reflecting actual poker-like content: I called off my stack with 55 on a JJ3 board (into a bigger stack's TT) for the following reasons:

1) It was a good flop for my hand
2) I was bluff-stealing from early position by making a just shy of pot-sized bet of 500
3) The bet left me 540 chips back, I only had to call (my last) 540 into a pot of 2100 to see that I was beat
4) I hate tournaments and I get impatient real quick
5) Tournament poker online is absolutely no fun for me at all

Yes, I hate tournament poker. And here I am signed up for the Stars blogger thing. Odds I actually sit and take the thing seriously? Astronomical. I'm either going to quintuple up in the first ten minutes, or I'm going to watch Entourage in bed. Tournaments with friends are fine, and I think I have plenty of patience for live tournaments with real money buy-ins, but I just absolutely fucking hate multis online.

I'd rather be playing the $50NL tables. Or betting on horses. Or looking at porn. Anything, really.

The WWdN last night could and should have been an exception. I should have played to stick around a little longer for the company at least, but my cash game mentality says the only way to get around being short-stacked is to reload, and since that ain't happening in a tourney, I'm out of my element.

I've wasted far too much money on these things, and am okay with not seeing a big tournament score in my future. I'm all about the gamble and the little decisions anyway. If you twist my arm I'll tell you I'd like to hit a thousand dollar win, but I just can't sit there and play these things to get that deep. They start too late at night for me (I like my sleep) and I don't enjoy them.

Once I get settled in to my new place I'll be able to be talked into blogger tournaments, but I've got to leave tournaments aside in general otherwise. They drive me nuts.

Here's a story I don't think I've ever told, but since it's a better statement than a story, I'll keep it brief: For a National Honor Society computer dating dance with another school, I got set up with a half-blind girl with a limp.

End story. It really wasn't even a good story. And crap, it's Flag Day and I haven't called my mother to explain why I'm not home for our annual barbecue. I feel like an ass.

The Hawley-Smoot Tariff is a Goddamned Travesty

Is it happy hour yet? Seriously, can I have a beer?

Or at least a nap?

How about something I've had sitting in Bloglines for a week or so that brings me joy every time I pull it up?



I got the apartment, apparently. I'm hedging slightly here due to the distinct possibility that the rug gets pulled out from under me in the next couple of days, but I'm pretty damned confident we're looking at a win here.

Another year without a dishwasher (fine, whatever) and another year without air conditioning or control of the air, but I'll make do. The apartment is fine, it's quirky and unique, and certainly big enough for me and the dog. The major drawback, besides having a mailing address that reads "Schnecksville," is that all the windows face the same direction (west), which means I won't be getting any cross-breezes through the joint at all.

That being said, it's bigger and cleaner and better quality than I saw anywhere near this price, and it's not located above a bar named "Drinky's." And I don't have to go apartment hunting anymore.

Shifting gears, I got an email today from the head of the division I work for stating what a GREAT TIME was had by all in attendance of the divisional conference last week. Thank god my pay grade precludes me from this crap, because these things are invariably atrocious. The part I hate worst? When the suits come out from behind their desks and perform a skit or somesuchshit in some sort of attempt at self-effacing morale-building goofiness.

I'm thinking specifically of the YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! tone of the email this particular suit sent. The suit closed the conference by standing in front of a PowerPoint projection while lip-synching a song dressed as the artist who made the song famous.

The story sucks if I won't get more specific, which I won't, so let me just mention that I've seen a couple of these things in the planning stages, and it is my firm opinion that middle-aged women in corporate HR departments should never be asked to do anything that smacks of creativity. A lip-synch that would get booed off Puttin' On The Hits is what you end up with.

About six months ago one of the HR guys was set to take a long trip overseas to help launch something in Asia. For the bon voyage luncheon they were trying to make a top-ten list of goofy reasons he was taking the trip. Four middle-aged women in HR entered the room, 30 minutes later they pull me in. Nine of mine made the list. I think the ladies had three atrocious ones after thirty minutes of head scratching in their sewing circle.

Here's my point... They have consultants for everything nowadays, so why can't I be the go-to guy for telling companies that their bullshit skits are a bad idea? I could review the agenda, help them choose the appropriate location, snacks and keynote speakers, and could smack them around if they thought a Desperate Housewives parody with the CFO and HR Manager in key roles would be funny.

Anyway...

Open note to Wil, Gracie, and anyone else buying jazz on iTunes lately: Some of the albums from the Prestige and Riverside labels are selling at per-song pricing, which means you're getting entire albums for $5.94 or $6.93 at times. I picked up Jimmy Heath's "On The Trail" and "The Quota," as well as Sonny Rollins' "Newk's Time" and "Plus Four," all for under $7 each. I also grabbed "Horace Silver and the Jazz Messengers Vol. 1" this weekend, which is awfully worthy as well.

I had put jazz away for too long, and am really enjoying getting back into the music. I go awfully deep into the Miles Davis catalog, have a strong smattering of Coltrane, and used to/still do have nice chunks of Bill Evans, Dolphy, Mingus and Sonny Rollins. For most of the other big names of the hard-bop era, I rarely go more than an album or two deep, so I'm trying to do my best at this point to branch a little farther out than I'm used to. Jimmy Heath in particular is someone you're not likely to find in an above-average record store, but he's one of the better composers of the era and often played with his brothers (Percy and Al) in support, which is kind of cool. He's one of those unsung guys who never sold a ton of records, didn't manage to land on a bunch of important records as a sideman (e.g., Paul Chambers, Wynton Kelly, Freddie Hubbard), and had the unfortunate problem of being a tenor sax guy in the Rollins/Coltrane era. Totally overshadowed, but the two dates I picked up (on first listen) seem awfully solid and engaging.

One of the things that has always attracted me to jazz is the alchemy factor. What I mean is that there's all sorts of different recipes being cooked up, but the fundamental ingredients are always the same. This applies in a number of different ways. For instance, stylistically, all jazz is basically a derivative of the blues. Sometimes it's more straightforward and apparent, sometimes there's other devices used to add a little more flavor (e.g., unique time signatures for Dave Brubeck, heavy gospel influence - blues-rooted either way - via Charles Mingus). The instrumentation is the same, the core song structures are the same, but still you end up getting songs as diverse as Eric Dolphy's "Gazzeloni" and Hank Mobley's "Workin'" out of each artist's vision. Alchemy.

But the alchemy that's my favorite to explore are all the connections. For instance, if you were cutting albums for Blue Note in the early and mid 1960s (and weren't a trumpeter yourself), chances are you had Freddie Hubbard sit in with you for a date or three. Almost everyone in the mid to late 1950s played with Wynton Kelly and Paul Chambers. Sometimes you'd hear Eric Dolphy with Coltrane, sometimes he'd be sitting in with Mingus. These guys were constantly playing on each others' albums, which is something you don't see in any other musical genre out there with any regularity.

And then, of course, most of the bands played both standards and originals, which meant you're able to put multiple versions of "Green Dolphin Street" (favorite: Eric Dolphy) against each other for comparison's sake.

On a side note, there are nine jazz standards of which I currently have at least five different versions. Miles Davis' "Theme" (the music the band played to close a set) shows up eleven different times (and I have another half dozen at minimum I could rip). For "real" songs, I have John Coltrane playing "Impressions" five times, with Grant Green chipping in for the sixth.

On yet a completely different topic, I booked a room for the Bash at the Boathouse in September. Not just any room, the two-bedroom suite at the illustrious Homewood Malvern, the Al Can't Hang hotel of choice. Joining me will be Bob, Drizz and CJ, and we'll likely be throwing a cash game in there with every spare moment of the weekend.

Yep, plan early to attend.

In other news, I had three cups of coffee at lunch. Add that to the five I had at breakfast (er, for breakfast), and I'm the littlest bit jittery this afternoon. This should work out brilliantly for me, as I have a 3PM meeting with my program's stakeholder and shouldn't be at all ready to crash off my caffeine buzz like a toddler who needs an afternoon nap.

I feel all wonky today...

Quick Picks

I might head down to Delaware Park today, and in the event I do, here's the action plan...

Race One: #3 LISASFRIENDLYLOVER is 18-33 ITM lifetime and successful on a managed pace. There's no speed to her inside, there's very little to the outside, and she's stepping down in class. Like her at 5/2. #8 RUST TULLY is 10/1 on the ML, but an average/good performance puts her in contention. I worry about her carrying more than 119 here, which her PPs show is where she's at her most consistent. Still, like her at 4/1. #6 LADY CAVALIER can't be tossed here. She gets a two week turn after laying eggs running once a month this year. I like that her trainer thinks she's in better form and worth a try. 4/1. UPDATE: #6 GOES OFF AT 5/1, PAYS $13.60. DIDN'T HAVE IT.

Race Two: The #1 and #1A won't both run, but I like them at 5/2. ECHO PAST PAST ran at 7/2 odds in higher class last month, and love her stalking position on the rail. RHYTHM N JAZZ will want the pace, and shouldn't be heavily challenged for it. Either is worth the play at that price. Also at 5/2 #6 RUTLAND, who's on the ML at 2/1. I'd like to see that number higher naturally, but I like that she's held her spot in the pace setup over a route recently, and won with the pace for her MCL breakthrough. #8 LEFT ON SYCAMORE has a good enough lifetime Beyer, but May was a colossal failure for her. 9/2 is the setup. UPDATE: #8 GOES OFF AT 7/2, PAYS $9.40. I DID HAVE THE 8/6 EXACTA, WHICH PAID $16.90 ON THE $1 BET.

Race Three: I really dig #5 PULPIT HARBOR, a nine-year-old mare Scott Lake claimed a couple back. She's 50% ITM over 78 races lifetime, and oddly posted her career best Beyer in February. Unusual for an older mare to be sure. She ran as a favorite (at 9/5) in this class/distance on May 30 and placed. She's playable at 9/5. #7 NO BADGE is stepping up off a win, and another Scott Lake mare. He's 27% returning winners. I don't think the outside post will hurt trying to snag the pace and the rail. 5/2. UPDATE: #5 GOES OFF AT 6/5, PAID $4.60. HAD $10 ON HER.

Race Four: Even Money is playable on #4 GLACKEN'S MARK, who's a Pletcher/Dominguez filly who hung a 62 Beyer last out and maintained her spot just off the pace from start to finish. Digging this filly a ton. #1 SCUTTLEBUTT, #7 WELCOME INN and #8 BERNHARDT are all first-timers, and if you see a price north of 9/2, play them. UPDATE: #4 GOES OFF AT 3/5, PAYS $3.20. HAD $10 ON HIM.

Race Five: Longshot Special Part I I dig #5 LOVE ANTICS in this turf sprint. He's dialing down from a route and has been on or has pressed the pace in his last few. His last was a mile that ran in pretty hot early fractions, that will translate here and well. 10/1 on the ML, I'll play at 3/1 or better. Also at 3/1 you've got #6 LACEWELL, who's making his first start on turf. His numbers have been terrific on dirt, so why here? Gets Dominguez though, can't completely toss. Toss #3 GUN CASE, this is a classic bounce scenario. UPDATE: #5 GOES OFF AT 5/1, PAYS $12.60 AND $7.00 TO SHOW. I HAD $10 TO WIN, $5 TO PLACE.

Race Six: Longshot Special Part II #4 GEMOFNANGEL is an interesting 8/1 on the ML here, but I think this race shapes up perfectly for her. She'll want to stalk close, and will get every opportunity to be well placed and move forward. She's due to improve, and I like her for a share, if not the top spot. 3/1 for her. There's a paired entry at #1 and #1A, with #1 AUNTIE INDA ATTIC my preferred choice of the two. She's 10-12 ITM, 4-4 ITM at the distance with one win. Good form too. Like her at 5/2. Her partner (one of the two will scratch) isn't as good, like her at 3/1. The big favorite here is #6 JERSEY GIA, a Dutrow/Dominguez entry who looks easily the best of these. Like her at 9/5. UPDATE: WAY OFF HERE. #3 RAN AWAY WITH IT, PAYING $12.60. I HAD #6 AT 3/1 FOR $20, AND I'D PLAY THAT ALL DAY LONG IF YOU LET ME.

Race Seven: I'll play #6 VEGAS PLAY all day long at Even Money. He's stakes caliber and an easy favorite here. Three horses are worth a look at/above 4/1 here, including #1 SMOKEM OUT, #2 MARCO'S TALE and #7 LITTLE CLIFF. SMOKEUM has a nice pattern of rest/race going, and steps up in class. I like his spot for a stalker, and he's got a nice shot. MARCO'S is stakes caliber as well, with a bullet work on 6/7. I like an improve here, but even mid-80s won't likely get it done in the top spot. CLIFF ran in the Aventura/Sam Davis/Bluegrass trilogy at Tampa earlier this year, and is a Nick Zito/Jeremy Rose entry with a shot. I slightly prefer the other two to Cliffy here. UPDATE: LITTLE CLIFF AT 6/5 WAS UNBETTABLE, BUT I HAD $20 TO WIN AT 5/2 ON VEGAS PLAY. WHAT A GREAT BATTLE, BUT I LOST IT BY A NOSE AT THE WIRE. COULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANY CLOSER. ANOTHER BET I'LL MAKE EVERY TIME.

Race Eight: This race should be a good one at a mile on the turf. Two imports here get my favor, including #5 SOCIETY HOSTESS and #6 FRAMBOISE, both of whom I'd play at/above 2/1. Specifically #6, who's got all sorts of things to like, including the 2nd off angle and a trainer who knows what he's doing with an overseas shipper. I do like #4 JAVA WIT at 4/1 as well, but only for a minor share or bizarro upset. UPDATE: ALL WIN BETS HERE UNPLAYABLE, BUT A $1 TRIFECTA WITH #5 AND #6 LOCKED IN 1/2 POSITIONS PAID $21.40.

Total Profits today = $37.40. Not bad, more right than wrong today...

Races Nine and Ten: They race Arabians here? What the hell?