Here, Let Me Complain To You Some...

Oh, the agony.

My head aches like a motherfucker this morning. It's not a hangover, as I never got close to the holy grail of "drunk" last night, but I sincerely do not operate well on five and a whatever hours of sleep after staying out late.

An old friend came through town last night on her East Coast Roadie with her boyfriend. Real nice to see her, just as nice to not be tethered to the hotel room alone with the dog again.

Jesus, I'm bored.

I had the weinerschnitzel, which was as tasty as it is fun to say. Their take on it was veal scallopini cuts in a tangy white wine sauce with capers and tomatoes. Enjoyable, as were the fried Thai green beans with peanut sauce, and the brewed onsite Fegley's ESB and Hefeweizen. She had a Boursin Cheesesteak, he had a French Dip with beer cheese soup instead of au jus on the side.

Do you remember that commercial with the dad in his garage who cobbles together a pair of inline skates, then gets that disappointed look on his face when all the kids in the neighborhood are wearing blades? Like his idea back in the good ol' Y2K to go inline with them there wheels was his key to the life on easy street? Well, and that somehow he thought no one had discovered this awesome idea (which has been around since the 70s at least) before he did?

Yeah, that's how I felt about the sandwich being dipped in beer cheese soup. It's so simple and perfect, I don't know how I missed it. I know I must come off to everyone I meet as some sort of preternatural culinary genius, but the thought process behind what makes me the prescient gourmand I am is really quite simple.

Identify a standard food item. First question you ask yourself is, "Can that be deep fried?" Of course, the corollary to that is to posit whether you're looking batter or breaded, then standard v. panko or egg washed in flour against the idea of a non-standard binder such as beer. Then, moving on, you simply build upon that idea. Can you melt cheese over the top? If so, you must back your way down from the esoteric (Greek goat cheese - not to be confused with feta - brie, boursin, etc.) to the standard (pepper jack, provolone, whatever - so long as it's not Kraft Singles).

Then, you just have to figure out the correct blend of seasonings and accoutrements to flavor the heavy cream sauce on which the creation must rest.

Of course, you can reroute this entire flow chart by figuring out whether or not you can eat said item off a stick. The nature of impaled food is really a graduate-level discussion, one for which I can't imagine you're suitably prepared. I really can't get into it, I'm sorry.

Anyway, one of the guys in that commercial says, "That was my idea! But I never thought to get a patent..." Yessir, I feel your pain now.

They're packing/loading me up in Michigan today, and my brother (no, the other one) is supervising the move. After hearing the horror stories from my dinner companions last night (box of 100+ DVDs never makes it off the truck, moving company shrugs and says "screw you"), I'm hoping to get a solid 80% of my furniture and 40% of my belongings. That will be a victory.

Unfortunately for me, although I've signed a lease and have a key and am getting cable and Internet hooked up on Wednesday, it won't be until the 28th that I can move in. The driver is picking my shit up first, stuffing it to the back quarter of the trailer, then doing the same with three other households, dropping them off before they arrive to drop mine.

I went from expecting a Friday delivery to a (this) Wednesday possibility, now have ten more nights instead of three to five left to spend in the hotel.

I'm a crying in the inside kind of clown though. Too bad I'm a complaining on the outside kind of whiner though, right?

I want my apartment dammit. It shouldn't be this hard to move.

So because of dinner last night, I couldn't take the Stars tournament seriously in the least. As a matter of fact, I spent two hours online looking for a decent hand and opportunity on which to go broke.

Sadly, I took my stack up to 6K at the first break employing this strategy. The highlight was calling the pushmonkey's all-in with T8s, and cracking his Ace-weak which never improved.

He called the beat "gay." I told him I was trying to bust out, but for that comment I wasn't going to get involved in any hand with him - he would not get his chips back from me.

Sitting on 6K I limped in from middle position with T5c. A couple chased in. Flop came 653 with two diamonds, and the small blind took a swipe at the pot. I raised him with an overbet, he called. Turn was a Queen of Diamonds, putting the flush draw on the board. He checked, I bet at it (for a large chunk of my remaining stack), he pushed and had me covered.

I wanted to bust anyway, so I called.

Had him dead to an open-ended draw (A4o), no flush possibilities for either of us. Luckily, he sucked out. So not only did I bust out like I needed to, but I got a suckout story out of it too.

Thank god.

So having been a relative veteran of the hotel circuit for four months now, I'm still left with a few questions...

· Why do they short-blanket the beds? This doesn't seem to be unique to any one hotel in particular, as it seems like every room in which I've ever stayed has sheets and inner blankets that make it to mid-chest and no higher. If the comforter were changed to be weather-appropriate, I might not have a problem with this. Makes it really difficult to twist around with half your body under, half out of the covers effectively.

· Whatever happened to elevator ettiquete? I'm on the elevator. You've got your nose and toes to the door in the lobby waiting to get on. Door opens, I need to get out. You give me a dirty look when I become the horrible inconvenience that requires you to step aside for a moment of unplanned politeness. What's wrong with you?

· Who decided that the Hilton Family Network should show nothing but gymnastics and/or ice skating, and what genius actually put these things together? Bottom of the dial at the Hilton Garden Inn featured around-the-clock ice skating and gymnastics on a constant loop. What about Touched by an Angel reruns? Isn't the "i" Network accessible?

· Your lobby is not an amenity. Maybe in the Old West this applied, as riding solo across the Great Plains brought with it a profound need to socialize, and maybe in those days the quality of the lobby's decor was in direct correlation with the quality of accessible onsite pussy-for-hire, but between the hotel and apartment shopping I've done lately, I don't need to see another picture of another lobby or clubhouse I'll never use, thank you.

· What happened to you Cinemax? Maybe I don't stay up late enough anymore, but when I was a kid 9PM meant something. Don't try to explain yourself, I don't want to hear it. You've broken my heart Cinemax... broken my heart.

· Don't shine a turd. If you're putting beef stew in a chafing dish with styrofoam bowls and plastic spoons nearby from 530PM to 7PM, don't fucking call it a "reception." And as an addendum, what the hell are you doing serving beef stew for dinner in the middle of June?

· Would two-ply kill you?

· You're not doing this to "save the rainforest" assholes. What a euphemism for cutting costs... "We won't do your laundry unless you ask, because eighty trillion gallons of water saved means more Evian for all of us." Oh, so it's not to save money and improve your bottom line? How noble.

A quick side note to Sandra Bullock and/or Keanu Reeves - whichever one of you figures out you're the one from the past... YOU KNOW WHERE THE OTHER ONE LIVES. GO KNOCK ON THE FUCKING DOOR TWO YEARS FROM RIGHT NOW.

If I were in charge, movies would never be more than six minutes long. "Bohdi SurferGuy, I'm an Eff Bee Eye Agent, and you're under arrest." Screw character development, and whoever thought Lori Petty was a piece of ass worth chasing anyway?

My little brother just called from the site of my old apartment on the pack-and-load. We've got the line on the movers getting the couch downstairs and outside set at fifteen minutes. I took the under. Two Men and a Truck took nearly forty to get it up, so it's probably a sucker bet.

Idiots and morons today, they're crawling out of the woodwork. I'm a real pain in the ass to work with if you're doing something that falls outside the parameters I've set, and frankly? I don't want to have to tell you twice how to do something basic. I so badly want to boot one of the people I work with. I've even started fantasizing a little bit about what I could do to lower the boom sooner instead of later.

Can't though, I have to put up with stupidity for another three plus months first. I at least hope this contact of mine could hear the seething distaste dripping from my words. It wasn't subtle.

By the way? Three minutes for the couch. I'm up a dollar.

The Music Meme

Found this (incredibly lengthy) music meme at The All Music Guide, and thought it might be fun. And if you don't think I'm using these sorts of devices to try and set a habit of writing consistently again, you're nuts. Here goes...


Greatest Album of All Time:
Kind of Blue - Miles Davis



Desert Island Albums:
Miles: Filles de Kilimanjaro, Kind of Blue, Complete Concert 1964, Tribute to Jack Johnson
Van Morrison: Astral Weeks
Jimi Hendrix: Electric Ladyland
Bob Dylan: Blonde on Blonde
The Band: The Last Waltz
Curtis Mayfield: Superfly
Wes Montgomery: Smokin' at the Half Note
Wayne Shorter: Speak No Evil
Wu-Tang Clan: Enter the Wu-Tang
Raekwon: Only Built 4 Cuban Linx
Outkast: Aquemini
Ghostface: Theodore Unit, Supreme Clientele
Ol' Dirty Bastard: Return to the 36 Chambers
Digable Planets: Blowout Comb



Greatest Single of All Time:
Defining "Single" as something commercial and/or released for the radio or music video*

"Sweet Jane" - Velvet Underground



Other Desert Island Singles:
"Shimmy Shimmy Ya/Baby C'mon" - Ol' Dirty Bastard
"Electric Relaxation" - A Tribe Called Quest
"Respiration" - Black Star
"Luchini" - Camp Lo
"Otha Fish" - Pharcyde

*Although I'm getting loose with that definition in regards to jazz

"Green Dolphin Street" - Eric Dolphy
"Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" - John Coltrane
"Bags' Groove," "Surrey With the Fringe On Top," "So What," "All Blues," "Frelon Brun," half a dozen more - Miles Davis
"Blue 7" - Sonny Rollins
"Witch Hunt" - Wayne Shorter
"Four on Six," "Unit 7" - Wes Montgomery
"Freddie's Dead" - Curtis Mayfield
"The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down," "Up On Cripple Creek" - The Band
"Across the Universe," "For No One," The "Golden Slumbers-The End" medley - The Beatles
"Ballad of a Thin Man" - Bob Dylan
"Travelin' Man/Beautiful Loser" - Bob Seger
"Midnight Confessions" - The Grassroots
"Sultans of Swing" - Dire Straits
"Rikki Don't Lose That Number," "Deacon Blues," "Hey Nineteen" - Steely Dan
"Into the Mystic," "Sweet Thing," "Caravan" - Van Morrison
"Handle Me With Care" - Traveling Wilburys
"Won't Get Fooled Again," "Can't Explain" - The Who
"What Goes On," "Oh! Sweet Nuthin'," "Who Loves The Sun" - Velvet Underground




Favorite Box Sets:
The Last Waltz - The Band
Complete Jack Johnson Sessions - Miles Davis
Peel Slowly and See - Velvet Underground



First Record Bought:
Every Breath You Take: the Singles - The Police
(it's the first "record," although I did buy the Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' I Love Rock n' Roll on cassette first)



First Concert:
Paul Simon on the Rhythm of the Saints tour



Favorite Concerts:
Paul Simon, Jethro Tull (1991), Steve Winwood (1989), Vernon Reid, Henry Threadgill's Very Very Circus, Roy Haynes, Herbie Hancock & Wayne Shorter



Concert You Wish You'd Seen:
1964, Miles Davis from the Complete Concert: My Funny Valentine/Four and More set.
The Last Waltz - The Band



Favorite Music Movies:
The Last Waltz, This is: Spinal Tap, Otis Redding and Jimi Hendrix at Monterey Pop.



Best Use of Music in a TV Series or Movie:
There's a point in Wes Anderson's Royal Tenenbaums where Luke Wilson is getting picked up by Gwyneth Paltrow from the docks and Nico's "These Days" sets the mood beautifully. Honorable mention goes to "Ooh La La" closing Rushmore, and "Stuck in the Middle With You" in that famous scene from Reservoir Dogs.



Favorite Music Books:
Miles by Miles Davis and Quincy Troupe is a must-read.



Favorite Songwriters:
Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Lou Reed, Paul Simon, JJ Cale, Lennon/McCartney, Robbie Robertson, hip-hop's Ghostface, Common, Outkast



Favorite Record Label:
Blue Note



Favorite Album Covers:
Classic Blue Note covers from the 1950s and 60s, great style and hard to pick a favorite. Here's an example though:

Then, of course, there's this one too:




Least Favorite Album Cover:
Great album deserved a better looking cover than this:




Favorite Music DVDs:
As mentioned above, but add my Tribe Called Quest music video collection and a bootleg Miles Davis show from 1970 via Dutch TV



Artist You Will Always Believe In:
Miles Davis



Artist You Will Always Defend:
Eric Dolphy



Albums That You Will Always Defend:
Dolphy's At the Five Spot sets
Hank Mobley's mid 60s Blue Note sessions
Miles' fusion-era recordings (fuck Stanley Crouch)
Van Morrison's Veedon Fleece



Album You Own That No One Else Does:
Moby Grape - Moby Grape



Singers Who Make Your Skin Crawl:
Trey Anastasio (top of the fucking list), Joni Mitchell, Bing Crosby and Jose Feliciano between Thanksgiving and Christmas



Singers Who Make You Swoon:
Lauryn Hill, Madeline Peyroux



Artists You're Supposed to Like but Don't:
The Grateful Dead, Charlie Parker ("supposed to like more than I do"), Notorious BIG, Tupac Shakur, The Roots (especially The Roots - they should appeal to everything I stand for, but I skip them consistently when they come up in shuffle)



Song You Can't Stand by an Artist You Like:
"Tush" - Ghostface Killah



Favorite Teen Idol:
Does early LL Cool J count? I don't know that I get remotely close otherwise, unless you get me to admit how much I'd like to see Mariah Carey and/or Christina Aguilera naked...



Artist Who Broke Your Heart:
Raekwon - one great fucking album, eight years of bullshit thereafter



Band That Should Break Up:
Pink Floyd - so long as they're just a Dave Gilmour solo project



Band That Should Re-form:
Cream - someone needs to find Eric Clapton's balls for him



Guilty Pleasure:
Great TV themes - I firmly believe that the theme from Barney Miller is the greatest song under forty-nine seconds in the history of music